I am so confused. I suddenly came out to myself as gay earlier this year. I had lived my entire life up to that point as a straight, homophobic, conservative Catholic. My parents were homophobic up until the day I came out. My parents almost never discussed sexuality in general with me unless we were making homophobic comments. When I was in the closet, I wasn't sure if it was okay to use contraception or to have premarital sex since I felt like I needed to follow the Church's teachings. At a young age, I remember being in Church and hearing the priest say that sex should not be for pleasure. I am so mad. If my parents had been more open with me about sex, I don't think I would have taken so long to come out to myself. Because it turns out that they don't object to contraception or premarital sex, which was never made clear to me until now. Why did this have to happen? Everyone's telling me to move forward but I can't get over how stupid and unnecessary my struggle seems to have been. :icon_sad:
I think you need to take a step back and ask yourself what is really going on here, because all of this anger towards your parents seems a little misplaced to me. I'm not saying your parents are totally without responsibility because they fostered an atmosphere of guilt and shame that you participated in for a long time. Therein lies part of the problem. Besides your parents, you grew up with a conservative Christian narrative courtesy of the Catholic Church and that's sure to have added to feelings of guilt, shame and internalised homophobia. You're not going to peel all of that away in the space of a few months. To move forward you need to take ownership of your anger and address the underlying issues. Simply lashing out at your parents for their general reluctance to talk about sex is not going to get you far. I don't know how old you are, but it might be a good idea to consider a preliminary consultation with a therapist if you find yourself stuck with these feelings. Having said all of that, you did only come out to yourself this year, so you have a bit of a journey ahead of you yet.
It's alright to feel angry about it. You can't really help but feel that way, since you've been hit with a dose of reality after following a certain standard for so long. How you deal with it, matters. Patrick is right when he said to take a step back, and look at the issues at hand. I wish I can say it's simple but it's not. It's definitely a hard process to go through, and there's quite a few of us that's been down the same road, so you're not alone. Whether you want to deal with these feelings with a therapist, or with a punching bag, your parents can only handle so much. From experience, working these issues out is a lot better than focusing on your anger as to why you're having them, if that make sense.
Parents can be responsible for a great deal of pain. Two points are worth noting though. 1. There has to come a day when you realise and acknowledge that they are just human beings...fallible flawed imperfect human beings whose "best" effort is not always ideal for a growing mind. On that day you might forgive. 2. There has to come a day when you realise that, as an an adult you are responsible (for the pursuit of your) happiness not them. On that day you will forget. Because then you will be free.
