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Feeling stressed and overwhelmed

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by gloomyra, Aug 18, 2016.

  1. gloomyra

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    Ever since I moved out of my parents this year I've been feeling progressively more and more stressed. Things at home hadn't been going well for a long time, so I feel like it was the right decision. But I also feel lost, and I feel like I can no longer rely on my mom for support because she's been upset ever since I moved out, and every time I see her she asks me to move back in. One of my best friends also may move away soon, and for whatever reason he won't discuss it with me. My dad, who is usually strong and supportive, recently went through a divorce and has been having mood swings and gets angry at the drop of a pin.

    On top of that, I've been feeling like it's more and more likely that I may be transexual. I don't think I'd ever get surgery (though I've considered it), but people's expectations for me to act like and dress like a woman feel like a hindrance, and I don't have anyone to talk to about it. I'm scared even to think about it.
    Recently, I guy a like stopped talking to me after I wouldn't take him back to my place at the end of our date. I tried to confide in one of my close friends, and she told me "it's your fault, you're always trying to be the man in your relationships. You need to cut it out and let guys pursue you and just act like a girl". She later apologized, but I keep thinking about it and wondering why it's so hard for me to just act like the sex I was born. I've even had people tell me I walk and sit like a man, and had them tell me I need to do things like cross my legs when I sit. I feel like I'll never meet a person who excepts me for the way I am. I can't imagine a straight man/gay woman would ever want to date a girl that feels and acts like a man, or that a gay man/straight woman would ever want to date a man who is biologically female.

    I used to see a counsellor who helped me in a lot of ways, even encouraging me to come out to family. But after a comment she made about non-christians going to hell, I haven't felt comfortable going back to her. There are times when I feel like locking myself in my room and never coming out. I think I may be developing social anxiety, partially because I hate being in public and having people treat me like a "woman". I feel so self conscious, and I hate being checked out by men. I want to see a counsellor, but I don't want to have to go through the process again of finding one I like, especially when they always seem to end with a negative experience. I used to go to a group for bisexuals, but the group was largely male and some of the men in the group started harassing me and making sexual remarks, asking me out on dates, etc. I so wish I could hang out around guys and just have them treat me the way the treat other guys, without feeling predated upon. I've even started dressing down more to try and discourage them, but I feel like it makes no difference.

    Sorry for the huge rant. If anybody has advice on how they've gotten through tough times, figured out being trans, finding support, etc, I'd really appreciate it!
     
  2. BelleLey

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    First of all I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. If you don't feel comfortable talking to the counsellor you've been seeing maye you should consider talking to someone who specialises in LGBTQ patient or just go to A LGBTQ center. You will meet someone who accepts you for who you are (we do here anyway). Don't let anyone tell you how you should behave around men or what you should wear, it's your life, they are the ones with a problem if they can't accept what's different.
    Hang in there !
     
  3. gloomyra

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    Thanks for the kind words. :slight_smile:
    My counsellor is actually an LGBT counsellor... She just also happens to be a fairly strict Christian as well. When I told her I was an agnostic, that's when she started bringing up the whole "going to hell" bit.
     
  4. bingostring

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    A good counsellor should be neutral and non-judgemental. The fact that she lets words like "going to hell" pass her lips is a sure sign she is failing at her job.

    If, as I suspect, therapy would be helpful to you I would suggest it is worth trying once more to find someone who acts professionally and does not have their own agenda.

    Next time you have your first meeting, or phone conversation, the first thing you can ask - directly - is whether they hold strong views on religion or LGBT issues.
     
  5. JonSomebody

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    I agree with bingostring...I know when it was recommended that I seek counseling, I had to go through at least two other counselors before I came across the one who was very supportive to my situation. There was one counselor who was pretty much homophobic and would fall asleep during my sessions the majority of the time and even went so far as to say that I was at fault for what happened to me. I had just decided to give up and I was persuaded to give the last counselor a try and thank God I had a change of heart. Therefore, you should do the same...Good Luck...JS :thumbsup: