1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Doing horrible as of now.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Kodo, Aug 19, 2016.

  1. Kodo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2015
    Messages:
    1,830
    Likes Received:
    849
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    So I saw a film which was super depressing and unintentionally, it triggered me in a big way. I hate this and it's just brought to life all those horrible things bubbling under the surface. I feel awful.

    I just can't anymore. I'm tired of feeling so fucking bad all the time and I'm so, so sad. I have nobody and I'm stuck right now. My life is a miserable and motonous cycle and I frankly don't want to be alive anymore, but also don't want or intend to kill myself mostly because of the effort involved. I don't want to be here, or in reality. I go to sleep wishing that tomorrow wouldn't come.

    I have been trying so hard for so long but it has brought me nowhere. I'm sick of being an inconvenience to my family, and embarrassment or just a bad person for being "this way."

    I'm pathetic. Even a movie can rip off that thin venere of being okay. But I'm at a point where, I guess, I cannot be helped anymore.
     
  2. Robert

    Robert Guest

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2011
    Messages:
    1,398
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    .
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm really not an expert on any of this but I just wanted to tell you that all is not lost. I have known people who have had a hard life and suffer with depression... At their lowest points they feel that they are unable to be helped. This is a feeling of helplessness and being tired of constantly having to fight to be happy.

    You need to go and see a professional - either a doctor or a therapist. If You are already seeing these people then you need to inform them of this latest stage in your life. If I was there sitting next to you I would be practically dragging you to go see someone. Please see someone.

    Anyway, thats all I can say really. Oh, apart from, fuck the people who dont accept your true gender and make you feel this way. You shouldnt have to fight so hard just to be able to be yourself. I am sorry you have to go through this.
    As soon as I saw your name attatched to this thread; I clicked on it, as I recognise you as one of the more intelligent, interesting and good natured people on this forum.

    I hope you find the help and the friendship that you need and deserve.
     
    #2 Robert, Aug 19, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2016