It's a lot of shit. About self acceptance. I must say, that I am a bit homophobic and transphobic, though only towards myself. I can let everyone be happy with who they are and accept them. But I can't accept myself for being this way. I want to be cis, which gender doesn't matter, I prefer male but still. If I had a pill which would turn me cis with a 50/50 chance of ending up male or female I would take it. I see myself in the future, fully transitioned as a male, but forever in stealth. Being outed while passing 100% with name and gender officially changed would be my worst nightmare. I am aromantic and still I feel the need to marry some chick I could get along with for the rest of my life. Tell her I have a genetic defect and that's why I can't have kids. And use the sperm of a friend like gay couples do. Friend is a lot like me. Kids therefore would be like mine. Never could I imagine to marry a man. I am bi, I have a choice to ignore my attraction towards men. Love doesn't bother me, therefore it's easy to fight off. Maybe a short affair with a guy, hidden so deep in the closet that I could be in narnia. But nothing more. I feel like I am hiding an addiction. Something that destroys my reputation and my life. I don't know what I expect from this post. I know I will get the advice to get over it. Thing is: I can't. Because gay and trans acceptance means, okay, they can decide whats best for them and I don't care, though it will still and always be weird. We will never ever reach a level beyond that virgin guy who collects model trains at 27 years old. I just want to have it written down, so maybe I can finally focus on something else than how my brain dooms me to not lead the life of respect that I want to live. I want to outstand with achievements, not with abnormalities that bring zero benefits to anyone.
Hey there! I think everone can agree that at some point in our lives we have had these same thoughts, however I think you need to understand that you are who you are, I think you are amazing in the fact that you have come to terms with your sexuality, my experience was definitely a choppy one. You seem like a very genuine person, from what I can see you need to exept that you are who you are and it's completley normal to not be straight, think of it this way, you realised who you are just like every straight man/women did, so don't let anyone tell you that your weird, I know i'm not the greatest speaker, but i really hope i helped, if not,there are alot better people to speak with that are more experienced than me on this site and elsewhere Anways focus on who you are -luke
I actually didn't think that there could come something helpful. But what you wrote is in fact helpful. Maybe one day I can accept myself without screaming to the world who I am. Thank you very much. I just realized that maybe I am also afraid of the resplonsibilty that comes with being part of LGBT. Everybody here seems to be so brave fighting for equality and everything and being proud of themselves. But I'm already big into neurodiversity and right after that comes my country and my social class. I think with LGBT it's way too much to handle for me.
