Ok, so it seems like I've been going through a lot of things recently, and I was hoping ya'll could help me out. I never have been interested in the dating scene, so for the most part I figured I was asexual(I never have found men attractive, so that rules out gay), then about a week ago, things were stirred up again. A girl actually hit on me, but of course, I didn't recognize it until after the fact, as usual. So now I don't know if I'm still confused, if my sexuality is fluid, if I'm subconsciously just trying to fit it into small town usa, or what. When on a date with a girl, I seem to enjoy things, right up until the time things start to get intimate. I almost wonder if this could be a side effect from an old injury. It seems like the more I figure out about myself, the less I know. Can someone please help me out here?
Being asexual doesn't necessarily mean that you are not interested in women. My boyfriend is asexual and we have a pretty normal relationship. Perhaps you are heteromantic?
The terminology always kind of loses me. To be honest, right now I feel like I'm not anything, except empty:icon_sad: Edit: I also feel more comfortable around women, and gay men friends. Not sure what that might mean though.
Well I can understand feeling empty. It is difficult being confused. Maybe you just feel more comfortable around them because you feel less pressure to conform to the "small town usa" way of things, or you feel that it is easier to be yourself around them. Personally though, I wouldn't read too much into what gender/ orientation your friends are in terms of your own sexual orientation.
I'm trying not to read too much into anything, I figured out a loooong time ago that I wasn't like anyone around here. The strange part about all this is, I feel like I can relate more to the opposite gender, yet I'm still not all that sure of my locust of attraction.
I'd start with a question: Do you have rich fantasy life (i.e., having sex with yourself?). That's probably where the opinion poll is best started. Just because you're shy around females doesn't necessarily mean you're likely gay or something else. It could be anything. You could be autistic, have social anxiety, or just simply be a strong introvert. So, what do you fantasize about, when it's just you and you? And how often?
I do fantasize some, though not very often lately. The fantasies can tend to get a little bizarre though, but that's a whole other story. I've also wondered if that may have something to do with this. As for social anxiety, I do tend to avoid people as much as possible. The last formal event I went to I ended up having a seizure because of all the people. Ergo, I usually opt for a night at home alone. If I remember correctly, social anxiety tends to be a side effect of head injuries, but I digress. If it matters, the farthest I have gotten with a relationship was actually living with a girl, but that ended in disaster.
Have you had a consultation with a neurologist and all the other appropriate people? It sure appears you have a complicated situation, far more complicated than to be explained merely by sexual orientation. In any case, becoming aroused by men would be required for you to be "gay" or "bisexual." There do appear to be a lot of social obstacles to getting that close with anyone.
I have had numerous neurologists, ever since I was 6. I got booted out from my first one, (the one who saw me when I was in the hospital) 20 years after I first started seeing him, then went to an adult neurologist in the DFW area for a few years, then an epileptologist, and now I see a neurologist closer to home; so I think I kind of have things covered on doctors. As for my situation, I'm not sure if I should get into that here.
That's fine, no need for uncomfortable personal information. The reason I've asked these general questions is that I'm probing for the reason that would lead to a specific sexual orientation. The bar for "asexual" is rather high (or maybe I should write "low," as no sex drive would be the expectation for that). Some people have a low sex drive, but still have interest. Also, small town America harbors some pretty sexy outliers, I've found. It's not all heterosexual rednecks, and some of the rednecks have some surprising secrets.
