So I'm 17 and I was manipulated emotionally and sexually by a 28 year old man I called my best friend for a period of 3 years. It's not something I like to talk or think about often, because it disgusts me and triggers bad memories for me, and I just sometimes think "is it really real, is it just a dream that this terrible thing happened to me? why me?" because it just doesn't make sense a lot of the time. I've talked to him since(and quickly realized what a bad idea it was) and even tried to befriend him again, and he was obviously willing and then I realized I was just doing it because I was so used to talking to him every day for 3 years and was just looking for the emotional attachment that came with having someone to talk to always, and he still disgusted me. He said he regretted it more than anything, but would only talk about how much me not talking to him for 5-6 months hurt him, while I told him how I had come to self harm and almost kill myself. He really only cared about himself and using me as a tool for himself. He didn't care about my emotional pain. Since about 1 week since we started talking when I was 13, he would call me his "loli" <- basically young sexualized girl and would always flirt with me and fell in love with me even though he was in a long term relationship. He would always say he'd date me if I was older, and I guess at the time I liked the attention of an older guy finding me attractive. But it wasn't fun when I didn't like the guy and he forced me into a "relationship" and to send nude images and video and forced me to do things I wasn't comfortable with. Everything sexual that happened has scarred me and thinking about it makes me cringe. I can't bring myself to talk to it with my therapist, because my previous therapist had to tell my parents due to the fact that I'm a minor. He's in Mexico and there's no danger of him coming and finding me because he's so far away, but she still had to. All she told them was that I was in a relationship with an older guy and it's over now and they freaked out. I know if they knew what really happened they'd really lose it and I don't want them to know about any of it. So, I can't talk to my current therapist about it out of fear of my parents knowing. I can't bring myself to talk to my close friends about it bc I know they'd support me but they might worry and tell their parent, who would tell my parent and it wouldn't end well, I know. I know my parents would want to help, but they'd also limit my access to technology even though I would never let something like that happen again. I know why they would do that and it makes sense, but I know I wouldn't allow something like that to happen again, and I don't want them to stress over something that's over and stress about anything happening to me again. I just need advice on how to recover without my parents discovering what happened. I always think I'll just wait until I'm 18 to tell my therapist, but I don't know how to recover until I can talk to her about it.
First, I'm sorry this happened to you. It's really difficult to let go of feelings when you've been talking to someone for so long. It isn't completely clear to me whether you have completely cut off contact with him. It sounds like you have, but if you could clarify, that would be helpful. If you have completely cut off contact, and your therapist has already told your parents, then you could have an honest conversation with your therapist about your fears/concerns about disclosing any further details about what happened. Your therapist is ethically obligated to be honest with you about whether or not she would be required to say anything further to your parents. As far as I know, based on my understanding of ethical obligations in these circumstances, if the threat is no longer present (you're no longer talking to your "friend"), and you are no longer in any danger, and your therapist has already disclosed the situation to your parents, then your therapist should not have any further obligation to disclose anything else you tell her to your parents. But I would go over this with her to ensure that she sees it the same way. If she agrees that she won't have to disclose anything else, then you could feel free to tell her everything that happened, and she should be able to help you work through it. That would, I think, be your best solution.
Yes, I'm no longer in contact in any way. The therapist that told my parents and the therapist I'm currently going to are different, so she doesn't know about what happened.
Glad to hear you're no longer in contact - it can be hard to end that line of communication, even when you realize that the situation is abusive and bad for you, but it really is the best thing. You've taken a big and important step just in doing that. I would also encourage you, along the lines of what Chip said above, to talk with your therapist about what they will or will not be obligated to disclose to your parents. If you find you can talk about what happened without them disclosing something, that would be a great thing for you, as the sooner you can start focusing on this in counseling/therapy, the better - whenever you can start, it will be an important part of the recovery process here. It's hard to know what to suggest otherwise, since, to be honest, professional help is a large part of the equation here, but in the meantime, a few suggestions, all of which you're free to try or not of course, as you like. Try setting new routines for yourself - places and things to do that don't remind you of him, that have no connection to him whatsoever, even minor things like a coffee shop to sit at or something. If you have any objects or other reminders of him around, get rid of them or at least pack them away, to whatever extent possible. Redecorate your room. And if there was something normal that he was forbidding you to do (hang out with friends, spend extra time with family, etc.), then indulge in it - reassert your own norms as much as possible.
Discuss this with your therapist, but as far as I am aware (and I'm pretty familiar with the mandatory reporting requirements that therapists have) there is no obligation to report of there is no current danger to the client. In other words, your new therapist should not be obligated to tell your parents and, further, could get into ethical trouble if she disclosed without a ma dates reason to do so. So I would discuss with her, find out exactly what her interpretation of her responsibilities is, and then you can decide what to disclose. Doing therapy when you have to hold back a large part of what's bothering you really limits the benefit of therapy, so I'd try and remedy this as soon as possible for your own benefit.
