(Sorry if this is under the wrong category, not sure if this would fit in "Coming Out Advice") I've been dating this guy for a bit, and while I love this guy; I've also come to the realization that someday my grandparents are going to find out about us. My grandparents are EXTREMELY homophobic. To the point that I'm worried they'll get violent. You see, I don't care if they hate me, I'm just worried about what will happen to my mom and my boyfriend. I'm very afraid that the will either blame my mom for me, or attack my boyfriend. I obviously don't have plans to come out to them any time soon, but the fear of that one day they find out is taking me over. For the past weeks I've just felt this constant dread and apprehension looming over me. Every day just feels bland, and like a blur. I wouldn't call it depressed, but more of a gloomy feeling I guess. I'm usually a very happy and energetic guy, but I haven't really been that way in a bit. I'm sure other people have experienced this, so may I ask; how the hell do you deal with something like this?
Maybe learning self-defense will help you feel safer? It could be helpful to know not only how to protect yourself, but how to do so without hurting anyone more than you need to. For now, it's best to make sure they don't find out as long as possible, and try not to focus on what could go wrong. Enjoy everything good you find in your life. Enjoy being with your boyfriend. And when you do worry, tell someone about it. For me, talking to people I trust has always been the best way to fight fear.
Hi 3n: I believe what you're describing is called "hypervigilance". I can't offer any specific suggestions with that but there looks like a lot of info on the web if you Google it. Best of luck.
