I feel that mental health issues are setting me back.

Lately I've been really frustrated with myself because I, for starters, seem helplessly stuck in current circumstances, and next is that mental health issues have set me way back for my age.

To give a bit of preface, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I've had them, particularly the former, since age 14. It is also highly probable I have some degree of ASD (autism spectrum disorded) though I have not seen a specialist about this.

Thing is, other people my age seem much better off. They have friends, go places, have jobs, do things. I don't have that. I grew up hopping from private school to homeschooling to cyber schooling and moving state to state. No matter where I went, I stood apart from everyone else. Nerd. Freak. Loner. The social and emotional blockades have always been there, though I only recently understood that they existed, and I seem completely incapable of forming in-person, human relationships.

Now, my parents know (at least now) about the depression and anxiety. My therapist told them. But they don't want to believe anything is "wrong" with their kid and so did nothing. They ignored the fact that I'm trans, and ignored my depression, and continue to ignore my social/emotional issues. I'm afraid that as I grow older that I won't be equipped with how to interact with the world.

I'm eighteen now. I graduated highschool at sixteen (2 years ahead in the USA) and was a straight-A student. Meant nothing, though, because for two years I have literally stagnated. I was soaking in a depressive and dysphoric fit and went nowhere. No job and as usual, no friends. I have never had a close relationship with anyone and I suppose this is my fault. I already hate myself and so it is not surprising that others would dislike me.

People say go to a therapist, okay, I realize this is good advice. But I already has a therapist and stopped going because they weren't helping and it was too expensive for my parents. Since stopping, I'm supposedly "better" and don't need therapy anymore. Thing is, I'm not. But my parents don't have time to deal with me. They both work and I have seven other siblings that their attention is taken to. I'm the odd one out.

And yet, I'm not growing as an adult. I can't drive a car. I barely have a job (childcare) and even that is way out of my realm of comfort. I can't talk to people. I start having a panic attack if I go through the grocery store in the wrong order. My body issues set me off. My food sets me off. The noise and brightness sets me off. I feel like the world is exploding around me and I'm stuck in a foggy bubble in the middle just struggling to breathe.

I realize this is a long rant. Apologies. I guess what I'm saying is this. I feel that my mental health issues, as well as my status as trans, has set me back in life. Moving forward seems impossible. I'm honestly struggling so much these days, just with living. Every other day I get into an angry or sad spell and wish I was dead. I don't know what to do anymore. I think going back to therapy might be a good idea but how do I broach this topic with my parents? We're moving to a new house for Pete's sake, and my mom is a schoolteacher and already dealing with her own stress of chronic illness and a bunch of kids to take care of, my dad is at his wits end with work. Me? I'm just a burden.