Hello everyone! If you guys could offer some advice on how to figure out my sexuality, I would greatly appreciate it! It's a bit of a long post, and I apologize for that, I just didn't know what details to include and which ones not to. A little background: I am a 19 year old female and started questioning my sexuality about a year ago (but only very seriously for the past 6 months). I've always thought I was straight, but I think that's just because I was raised to think that way and never really had any exposure to the lgbtq community. I've also never fit in with the stereotypical lesbian characteristics, so I think that persuaded me to think I was straight. I think I'm either gay or bi, but I'm not too sure. I had a couple "boyfriends" in high school, but they never lasted more than a couple months, usually because I felt uncomfortable kissing, holding hands, and felt awkward around them. I liked them as a person, but I think I actually just wanted to be their friend instead of their significant other. I've never really had crushes on guys either and when I did, it was usually because I found out that they liked me. The weird thing is, that I really do enjoy looking at a guy's body and face (dicks gross me out) - though I can't tell if it's attraction or I think they just look nice. I'm not sure why didn't like kissing guys, but it could be that I was really inexperienced and had no idea what to do - it just felt forced. I've never really had crushes on girls either, but I feel like I am sexually attracted to them (I don't know if I'm forcing myself to think that I'm sexually attracted to them though, but I can get butterflies when looking at a girl in a swimsuit). I enjoy looking at their bodies, and when I fanatize, I always picture me with another girl. I've only ever had close female friends, though I've always wanted a guy best friend haha. I currently have a major crush on a lesbian youtuber and I'm pretty confident it's more than just a "girl crush". I've kissed my friend (who's bisexual) twice while we were drunk, and both times I enjoyed it (not that I like her, I just liked the kiss). I can picture my future with either a guy or a girl, but for some reason, I just really want a girlfriend right now. Also, I get turned on watching lesbian porn, but not as much watching straight porn (though I've heard most straight girls feel the same way about that). I know that most people will say not to worry about labels, but I really want to label myself, because I think I'll feel more comfortable that way. I just do not like not knowing what my sexuality is.
So I can't decide your sexuality- but you could be bi with a preference for girls? I'm pan and I experience my attraction to guys differently than my attraction to girls and nonbinary people. I also have a big preference for ladies which made figuring out a label a bit difficult for me. I've also heard the phrase "homoflexible" which means you usually have an attraction to the same gender but you have the occasional attraction/exception for another gender. I also feel really happy when I see gay couples represented on television because having on hetty mchet couple after another makes me feel isolated and alone. Not sure what to say about the porn part mainly because I've never watched porn (a combination of being underage and asexual). I hope this helps you- figuring out sexuality can be a pain
Lightsaberpearl, thank you so much for your input! I also love seeing gay couples in the media, I think they're adorable!
No problem! I'm always happy to help and I definitely understand the frustration and confusion when figuring out your sexuality!
I totally understand how you feel, it sucks not to know how to label yourself when you really want to find the right label for you. I had the same problem until about a year ago. My questioning process took me about a year and a half before that. I was insanely frustrated by it because I just couldn't figure it out. Looking back, it's so obvious I'm bi, but sometimes things don't become obvious until we've figured them out. No one but yourself can figure out your sexuality and even though it's stressful, you can take all the time you need. You will know at some point, but you can't force it, I think. I can relate to your experience kissing guys, too. I haven't kissed a lot of people, but I had kissed two guys before I started questioning and I didn't particularly like kissing either of them. I still can't tell exactly why that is but I think being insecure definitely played a role. I have kissed one woman so far and I enjoyed every kiss we shared far more than any of the kisses I had with men. That said, I still identify as bi because I've had romantic feelings for guys and I get attracted to them. I don't experience attraction to women and men in exactly the same way but I can't really explain where the differences are for me. Like you, I'd rather have a girlfriend right now and I'm kind of going through a "preference for girls" phase, but I know from experience that that may change in the future. I feel like bi and pan are quite open as labels. You can say you're bi/pan even if you have a clear preference for one gender. On the other hand, you can also identify as lesbian if you sometimes get attracted to guys. You go with the label you're most comfortable with and if you don't know what that is at the moment, that's ok. I know it can be frustrating but you'll figure it out, don't worry!
