hey everyone! life is so hard when you're gay in the closet..(at least for me) i was with a few friends (all girls) and they were talking about their boyfriends and their relationships and when it was my turn i said i never had a relationship! one of them who didn't know me that well asked me why and i said i just don't want one...and she said i feel bad about myself and that's the reason and the right guy will show up and i had to pretend i agree with her... and she was asking me.. like "when you see a hot guy don't you want him?" (i don't even notice guys anymore) and i had to lie and say yeah but i'm too shy.. i can't do this anymore i want to be proud and say who i am to everyone but i just can't.. having a boyfriend at my age it's a given for them.. they don't see other options.. how do you deal with this? i really need an advice...
The only thing that keeps me from telling everyone (and oversharing, which I'm SOO bad with) is the fear of judgement and social backlash.
It was hard for the longest time, but now I'm at a point where I'm not hiding it nor I'm sharing it with everyone. If you ask I'll tell you, is how I'm governing my life right now.
Why are you in the closet OP ? Is it out of fear or...? I haven't really been in the closet. Well I guess I was not too long ago but I wasn't in the closet because of others but because of myself. I knew deep down that I was attracted to girls but liked to lie to myself and brush it off as "envy" or "deep friendship". rolle The day I stopped lying to myself is the day I came out. Of course I was a little scarred (especially because my best friend was known to be homophobic at the time) but I couldn't handle having to pretend to be someone else. I figured that my real friends would keep loving me for me and if they didn't then they really weren't my friends anyway and it all went smoothly. Even my bestfriend who wasn't the most gay friendly person at the time, took it relatively well and have now totally accepted that "heterosexual relationships" weren't the only relationships acceptable and that "gay love" wasn't really that different to "straight love" at all. But then again, I live in a part of the world that is relatively gay friendly so I wasn't scarred to be bashed up or anything.
I am in the exact same position as you so can't give any advice but just wanted you to know that you're not alone! All throughout my life when my friends would ask me what guy i like etc I would just pretend that I wasn't interested in being in a relationship. Funnily enough they never ask me those kind of questions these days. But when they discuss what guys they think are hot etc, I feel left out. I would love to be able to just come out to them but as I'm such a private person I don't discuss personal things with most of my friends so i feel like coming out would be super awkward. And my best friend is extremely homophobic so not too keen to come out to her any time soon :icon_sad: How do I deal with this? Well coming onto EC honestly helps me cause it reminds me that I'm not alone and there's lots of people much worse off than me.
I've been with my girlfriend for almost 3 yrs and only ones who are close to us know about us! Everyone else just thinks we are best friends and spend every second together. We act like a couple around ppl that know about us other wise we just act like friends it's very hard and it sucks we manly act like friends around my family they are against me being with a women and I shouldn't do that kinda stuff in front of my 3 kids because it's going to turn them gay or some crap
I'm only half in the closet. I came out to some family members, and one close friend, but I'm silent about it to others. I just get sick of all of the assumptions and homophobic crap I deal with being out to everyone. I don't even know how I'll handle actual dating.
Hi jenne, I do feel for what you are going through. It is hard to participate in groups that are hetero-minded. It's just as bad for the guys who talk about women and female body parts while the closeted gay guy at the table just cringes and tries to change the topic. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Your sexuality is yours alone, and it really isn't anyone's business. You should only ever share what you feel comfortable sharing. With that said, however, I would like you to consider something. I'm a 47 year old man, married to a woman with 2 children. I've just come out of the closet in the last couple of months and will be heading for divorce soon. I came of age during a much different time than you, and faced a more homophobic society than exists today. That's not to say it really any easier today because it's not. You might want to think about what is holding you back from living your life as the real you. Do you think your friends are open minded enough to accept you? Is your family? I can only share with you my experience in this life and my journey to becoming the person I need to be. Coming out of the closet is tough and you may face many challenges doing so. It will take the ultimate courage from you to do it. I can only suggest to you that it won't get any easier with time. In fact, just the opposite, it only becomes harder to do later in life. I do wish you well. Take care.
Since becoming more open at school, it has made my life much easier. But since I'm only out to one family member, I have to be careful about what I say and do. I saw a bunch of my family members recently, and they were all asking about my life and were like "So do you have a boyfriend?"(insert annoying white girl voice) Being around family is weird and awkward, but since I never see most of them, it can be easier. My mom is the family member that knows and my stepdad doesn't ever think about anything but work, so overall I'm pretty fine with being partially closeted. As long as I can be as out and proud as I want at school.
