Angry at myself for not going to lgbt group, and feel lost

I feel like I have a lot on my plate, I've had to get up at 6/7am every day for 3 weeks, have deadlines, booked up weekends, society commitments, and exams looming.

Today I bailed on going to the main social of the year for my university's lgbt group, my one chance. I was toying with the idea of going alone for a couple of hours. But had the biggest headache, had just got in from an exhausting day of campaigning approaching strangers. I just felt shattered and unsociable, have to be up early tomorrow, headache made drinking unappealing, and VERY nervous. So it would've been a push to go, and I didn't. I'm so disappointed with myself.

I've tried dating apps but I find it time consuming and a lot of pressure. And blind dates are exhausting/disappointing. I'm supposed to be going on a second date with a girl in a few days, but I don't know if I can make it anymore with my deadlines, and it would involve a bit of travel. I want to see someone local. I feel awful though if I let her down, especially as I'm not free in the foreseeable future

And another girl. The opposite, lives very close but I wasn't too fussed about seeing her again. Yesterday she text me out of the blue after having gone away for the summer. Again I feel awful. I don't want to ignore it, I wouldn't mind meeting up but feel I have no time.

I feel like I'm just blocking myself from finding someone. Or do I just not like these girls? Do I even like girls? I want to get some lgbt counselling but am broke. I would ask my parents but they haven't spoken to me since I came out to them a few weeks ago.

 

Thank you so much for your reply, it really helped. Sometimes I just can't work my thoughts out or make any decisions and I hate myself for it.

Just so much doubt, overthinking, insecurity and time wasting.

Your suggestions are good and make sense. I'm going to try and do what you said!