It's been in the back of my mind for quite a while now, that maybe bipolar disorder could be the explanation for my mental health problems. I would always decide it probably wasn't the case because based on the DSM symptoms I hadn't had a full on manic or even hypomanic episode, or at least I hadn't thought to track it at the time and didn't remember details correctly. But for whatever reason, I just started thinking about it again a couple of weeks ago. I had been weirdly happy and hyper creative for about a month, which is not normal for me at all, and when I looked at the DSM symptoms again I matched up to a whole lot of them. I have never been diagnosed with any mental health condition, but I have never seen a therapist. I'm under 18, and over the years I have gotten really good at hiding my abnormal moods from my parents because they tend to make things worse if they notice. I really want to try to fix this. Over the past 6 or 7 years I have had bouts of worsening depression. I was extremely close to killing myself last year, if not for the support of my friends I would not be here today. I think it's probably Bipolar rather than major depression because in between depressive episodes I tend to be extremely happy. I don't really remember what a normal in between mood feels like. The reason I had written it off before is because the times when I was up weren't nearly as prominent or long lasting as the depression. This most recent up period, however, has started to become problematic. I have so many ideas and I can't focus on anything besides my art. I'm not sleeping as much as I should be and I keep getting angry for no reason. I want to go to a professional and see what they think, but I don't think I can until I'm 18. I don't want my parents to know about any of this, they wouldn't treat me the same and they make things so much worse sometimes. I don't really know what this post is. I guess I'm just venting. Sorry.
First, dont be sorry, this is what this forum is for, support when you need it Second, you may want to reconsider the not telling your parents part. Bipolar can be very serious, or easily manageable, depending on the severity. But either way the added stress of trying to hide it will only exacerbate the conditions. My sister has bipolar along with my mom. My mom has times when she doesnt sleep much... I can remember once as a kid going to bed with a green bathroom and waking up with a pepto bismol pink bathroom... That is hilarious now, it wasnt then.. sometimes she gets a little down, and has a hard time getting out of bed... My sister is a little more severe. When she got on medication, she admitted that her inner thoughts were so strong they took on voices of their own, and were constantly telling her what to do, how to behave, where to go, how she was fucking up, etc. Bipolar can range in severity pretty widely... Getting treatment is always helpful, but sometimes imperative... I dont think it is something you could hide from your parents either if you started taking medication for it... I dont mean to scare you or anything, but I just know that bipolar disorder can make you a lot more likely to commit suicide and that is the last thing anyone wants to see you do. Trust me on that. Your parents would MUCH RATHER you tell them about being bipolar, or being afraid you have bipolar, than hearing you have killed yourself. Im sure you can sit here now and confidently say you know you wont kill yourself, but I know people who have made just that promise, and are now dead from suicide. If you absolutely cant tell your parents, do you have any much older siblings or grandparents your close to? IDK if bipolar is something anyone under 18 could manage alone... Please keep posting here at least until you have a support system in your family you can rely on.. Dont let me doom and gloom post keep you away, I promise I just want to help... I wish you the best, and I really hope things go well for you...
I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2010 and could relate to most of what you've written. It's not something to be taken lightly at all. The sooner you can get help, the better things will be for you, and your loved ones. I understand that you don't want your parents to know, but it's important for you to tell them, since you're still dependent on them for your physical and mental health appointments. Please don't dismiss this, it's serious! This bipolar disorder symptoms page might give you some more insight into bipolar disorder. If you can relate to most of those things, chances are you are bipolar. BUT do not self-diagnose. This is just a guide. It's still important to be diagnosed by a professional, and get the necessary medications for it. There's no shame in being bipolar. Good luck! Hope you get the help you need soon (*hug*)
