im so intimidated by guys. in my closeted years in dating women i wasnt awful. it was like a game, i knew how to act and how to "play the game" to get a girl interested in me. that sounds bad, but while id sometimes get butterflies, i could usually overcome it. however, guys intimidate me. if im around someone i find attractive, even if i know they are gay, i turn into a nervous child. i barely speak, i dont smile, i avert my eyes and basically cut my interactions short and probably come across rude. the whole entire of "playing the game" goes out the window. i guess its still new to me being so open about being non-straight, but still its really holding me back from making friends or more. if im around LGBT women, im fine. i can behave naturally because im comfortable around women in general. ive always sort of had two personalities around my make vs female friends, because in the past when i didn't want other guys to find out about me, i would somewhat adopt a character of a normal guy. so now that i have no use for that character, im struggling and acting so meek. i want so badly to meet people, to laugh and be normal, even if it's simple platonic. i just cant seem to get past this.
Jesus christ, are you my twin? I'm exactly the same! That is literally what I do around guys, in fact I think I've alienated my crush because of it. I'm afraid I can't offer a solution as I haven't figured it out myself, but I think it may have something to do with how we are brought up, which is to see attractive men as intimidating because of all the stereoypes surrounding masculinity. Not sure, though, sorry.
I may be wrong but it sounds like you just don't know how to be your true self around other men. It sounds like you have a lot of anxiety over this, just remember there is a good chance the other person is just as anxious and unsure and it's probably not as bad as you think it is. Try bringing a close female friend along with you to meet a guy? Or try meeting some one online, I know for me it's much easier to talk to people online than it is face to face
I have met a few guys online to varying degrees of success. I seem to look for some weird idea of a perfect guy when online, while in person I'm attracted to a wider range, if that makes any sense. I mean, I could see a guy in person and be incredibly attracted, but if he had been a picture online, I'd have passed. I recently moved so I don't even have close females friends or close friends of any gender here yet. I'm working on that though and slowly becoming more social. Yeah, I have a lot of anxiety about this, it seems. It definitely holds me back from meeting people or influences the places I'll go to have fun. Like, I haven't been going to any gay bars or anything lately because I get incredibly intimidated by the environment. I didn't have that problem so much in my hometown, but here in a larger city, it makes me nervous.
