Feeling Very Depressed About My Femininity

You are perfect exactly the way you are. I know it's hard sometimes to deal with insecurities...everyone has them. You are not alone. I personally feel like I struggle with not being feminine enough as a girl. It makes me question how I am viewed from other people a lot...so I understand. Insecurities suck. It is hard not to think about.

It is a journey to get to self-acceptance. It's hard to just turn off insecurities...I feel like insecurities will always be there no matter what. They are a natural feeling as a human being to have. You can never fully get rid of them but managing how strongly you feel about them is doable. To break the habit of letting yourself fed your negative thoughts...looking at the bad is what people tend to do and it is hard to not do. People tend to look at the bad before the good.

Your insecurity about your femininity feds more negative thoughts and thus making you even more insecure. Your uncertainty of your masculinity is a strong thought in your head but does that mean it is the truth about you?

Usually ones own insecurity is amplified, but it doesn't mean it is true. I'm sure many people do not look at you the way you think they look at you.

In reality there might be some but it doesn't mean the whole world sees you that way.

I don't know you personally but I bet you are awesome in the eyes of your loved ones. You have many great qualities about yourself that they love. I hope you the best with your journey to self-acceptance. Your level of masculinity only says so much about yourself so why let it consume you and dignify your self-worth?

 

we are so much more critical of ourselves than the people around us are. meaning that although you may feel "too feminine", it's likey something you've internalized and doesn't show to the degree you feel.

however there's nothing wrong with being feminine and you should embrace your natural personality. there are plenty of men, masc and otherwise who enjoy the company of more feminine men.

 

^^ what he said...

I tend to be drawn more towards feminine guys myself.. There is really nothing wrong with it... Like others have said as well, it is just an insecurity that your anxiety regarding the issue is running away with... Dont worry so much about it if possible... and be yourself

Im sure everything will work out for you in the end, so for now, just try to relax and have some fun...

 

Being self conscious about one's femininity I think either reveals a bit of internalized heteronormativity or misogyny. Feminine traits are UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES degrading or 'weak'.

I'm quite feminine and assertive and I feel people respect me not for what vibes my personality gives off, but for realizing I'm genuinely being myself. People respect confidence, no matter what that means for each of us.

Of course that acting like a princess (which is not necessarily a feminine trait, but more like a 8 year old thing) can't get people to treat you seriously, but I believe that's not the case with you.

Stop trying to be like other guys. They're not like that because they're better, but because they're different. They're acting on how they feel like, and that's exactly what you should do.

"masc4masc" is exactly what the name suggests: masculine gay men seeking other masculine gay men. It doesn't undermine or invalidate others, it's just a preference. If people use it to shame you, then they're jerks. Period. Just because they're gay it doesn't mean they can't be toxic or judgemental.

 

I am also from NC originally and understand how it feels to be gay in the south. I guess I could be considered a hypermasculine guy myself but usually prefer more feminine men. It's not uncommon, there are plenty of guys like me. "Masc4Masc" is someone else's preference and you don't need to be concerned about how they view your personality. Do your thing, be natural to gain confidence, and it will come across to the people around you.

 

I know what you mean, I am from Tx, and you hear the same shit here... The worst part is in the deep south its usually because there flying spaghetti monster tells them its wrong...

I swear, if only christians could put the Christ back in christian... At least the pope is trying... of course every time they start moving forward, they step backward... Just like the pope on transgender...

Imagine a world where every one just respected one another and didnt hate each other because they know the right God and their God says _________ is wrong/evil/blasphemous... When someone brings up God, think of this song (its a comedy bit):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zxc20saM8DA

(i actually recommend anything Bo Burnham puts out, he is amazing...)

Sorry for the tangent, but Im just assuming religion is a major issue where you are as well.... And when I think of religion, it always makes me feel better to think of this song... it just seems so accurate to what a God would actually be like to me.. lol...

 

I figured... You know, before I realized I was bi I used to wonder how people can be so terrible because something they can not even find evidence for told them to... I mean, sure I never had a problem with christians doing good because God said to... But they have done such terrible things, and continue to do such terrible things, and meanwhile condemn Islam as if its unique in its bigotry... Like... YOUR THE SAME THING AT DIFFERENT AGES. But I know, your God is the right one, because after all, the Bible says so, and there is not a SINGLE other religious text that says their God is right, so you have to believe the Bible.... If that sounds reasonable, can I get some of your drugs? lol...

I really like the part of that song about rape.... I feel like there are so many things that could have replaced the word rape, lol...

Or the part about masturbation because... well its just funny...

I left religion officially in my late teens, but I left it in my heart when I was like... 8 or 9... Its a process almost as rigorous as coming out... ESPECIALLY in the south..

you should check out his other songs, like his "left brain right brain" song... or listen to my whole family thinks im gay... that song is FUCKING funny..

No matter what though, try not to let religious folks get to you... Or you could always argue with them... But I dont know your religious thoughts, or how confident you are in your ability to argue against Bible thumpers... I went to Baylor University fresh out of highschool (clearly before admitting I was atheist, so just.... shut up lol)... And at Baylor we had to study the Bible AS IF it was an educational text lol... I am pretty comfortable arguing with the most well versed Bible thumpers...

And let me tell you, at the very least, you can tell them the only place homosexuality appears in the new testament says that they will basically be punished by god in a manner fitting the crime... NOTHING about people stoning them or killing them, or hating them, or anything... That was all old testament God, because, well not enough time for that one, just suffice to say that when God sent Christ, according to the christian faith, you were no longer supposed to follow the rules of the old testament, but live by the example you saw in his son who was supposedly perfect (though there is evidence he smoke pot)... Its why people say love the sinner hate the sin like its a scripture, despite it appearing nowhere in the Bible...

Ok, I am turning off the christianity section of my brain now lol, I dont much like that part of my knowledge base... except obviously when Christians try to convert me... then its war... with their own holy book as my evidence usually. I cant tell you how infuriated my grandmother gets with me lol...


That is enough of my rambling... Make sure you check out Bo Burnhams other stuff, it is all pretty good...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejc5zic4q2A

That is one of his entire shows, and its hilarious lol...

 

I'M not really sure how to respond to this. First let me say that the first thing that attracted me to gay's when I was A teen was the fact that they acted feminine. At least that was the way it used to be back then. Now at least here in Chicago not so much anymore. Get's hard to tell sometimes even in A gay bar. Some of them even have beards or mustaches or both. They call them bears. it's A total turn off for me. Can't stand kissing A hairy face. I guess that's A bit hypocritical since I used to have one myself. I grew it in my mid twenties when people started questioning my masculinity worked pretty good too. My x wife got mad when I shaved it off in my early forties. I guess some people don't mind it. ( you can read my post in the LGBT later in life section , It's time to tell you all) Back to the point though. Yea I know how frustrating the whole bashing thing is. Especially in the south. I agree with A Beautiful Mind Those religious freaks down there can be idiots. It's Ironic the number of people that have been murdered in the name of God. The creator of life. It never stops. Anyway Mathew perhaps you should consider moving north to A larger city where people are more tolerable. If you really want to appear more masculine try the beard thing, But don't loose sight of yourself.(*hug*):smilewave

 

Nothing wrong with a feminine guy!

I think it's really a heteronormative issue, but there's no "right way" to be a man or a woman. Society is beginning to care less about gender stereotypes, I think, and if you leave the south you'll probably notice it yourself.

 

Hi Matthew
Firstly you are you, and you are completely unique and you are as masculine or as feminine as you are. You don't need to change anything. You just need to realise that if anybody has a problem with you then that is their problem - not yours. There's nothing wrong with being feminine and there's plenty of guys who are into guys who are more feminine, I include myself in that.
Just don't be so hard on yourself and stop trying to be somebody your not. Just accept yourself for being you - you've already taken the big step by coming out. If you feel feminine, then embrace it. You'll probably feel happier. And you're not a joke. The jokes are the people walking around pretending to be something they're not. And I'm one of them so just be proud your out and you have my complete admiration.

 

It seems no matter where you are in the world people still have an opinion on lgbtq people and religion usually has a lot to do with it. Jesus said love one another and treat each other as you would want to be treated. That's the core of Christianity. I don't remember any gay bashing in the bible! But anyway, your never going to win with these religious types picking what they want to suit their own agendas. If you believe in God then he made you just the way you are - and he loves all of his children, don't think it specifies that he only loves the straight ones!
Can I ask what you mean by hypersensitive? Is it the realisation that you may be being feminine and the fear that someone will say something?

 

Hey, can you share the things you do for you to ovecome it? Crying and being sad or sometimes angry are all part of of the process towards dealing with it and eventually accept it.

Are you working out? Maybe it could boost yout confidence. But stay away from steroids

 

Hey Matthew,
That's great that the drag helps. It's nice to find something that allows you to express yourself while having some fun.
I don't want or mean this to sound patronising at all - so please don't take it that way but I see you're 17 and that kinda makes everything you've said make more sense. It's not you that's the problem - it's all the people your age who just need to grow the fuck up. The people who are making all the comments about your femininity. And the good news is that once you kind of hit the age of anywhere between 18-21 I think you see a massive change in people. All the stupid comments and name calling kind of stop as people grow up and learn that it's stupid behaviour and there's no place for it as an adult. Just wanna give ya a huge hug and tell ya just hang on in there and ignore the comments and it will get better. If your feminine and fierce than that's great but if you're feminine and quiet or gentle then that's great too. Don't let anybody change who you are. You're perfect as you are. I got called gay for years at school, not even sure why because I wasn't out as being bi or anything. Think I was probably just a bit feminine and still am. Always preferred to have girl friends and do girl things. But once you get out of school and all that you do see things change and hopefully you will feel more able to just be yourself. And in the mean time try and just ignore them and remember - there's a reason they're making comments about you, and they're probably trying to put you down to make themselves feel better because deep inside there's some issue or insecurity that they're trying to deal with. Trying to make themselves feel big by making comments to make you feel small is just their coping mechanism for their own issues. So try remember that and be strong, be you, be beautiful!

 

Just to show you how differently people think, I am a bit feminine and very proud of it. I wish I was even more feminine. I'm not a cross dresser either, just an average gay guy. I also prefer some femininity in a partner. Don't buy into the hype that to be popular in the gay world you need to be masculine. I can't stand macho masculine guys, at all. In looks or personality. I think the gay media is, for some reason that I find very strange, trying to popularize masculinity. It is most likely for monetary reasons; they are trying to rake in the most money possible. You are, as someone else has said, perfect the way you are, literally, and you will find someone for whom you are exactly right.