So, um, yeah, I'm pretty depressed right now. I just really, really need some support right now, please. I have nobody I can talk to about this and I feel so alone and sad and empty. Basically, he's my coworker and I met him about six weeks ago when I started work. I've only ever had three serious crushes in my lifetime so yeah, even if I obviously don't know him too well, I like him a lot. I knew from the beginning that he had a girlfriend so I was never expecting anything to happen, but still, finding out that he just proposed to her does kind of feel like a knife in the chest. I'm worried that next time I see him (in just under a week) I won't be able to properly congratulate him, or I'll start acting all cold and distant - I'm not going to start avoiding/ignoring him because I'm not about to potentially hurt his feelings when he hasn't actually done anything wrong - or I'll get all upset again when he doubtlessly starts talking about how happy he is. And I am happy for him, truly, but it still hurts. I don't even know what I'm asking for, to be honest. Advice, maybe? Please? Thank you so much for reading my pity party.
This is all completely understandable, but it's mostly geared towards what is right for him. What about what's right for you? Avoiding him for a time doesn't necessarily mean you're punishing him - it can just as well be about you needing some space to readjust your wants, needs, and interests. Forcing yourself to spend time around him (beyond what's required at work) when it will only make you miserable won't do you any favors. Start by taking care of you - if you really want to congratulate him, you will have opportunities in the future.
Hey, I'm really sorry to hear that. Sometimes when we have a crush, we get our hopes up, even when we know It's impossible. My advice is to give yourself some space from him for a while. That doesn't mean end all contact with him, just give yourself time to think before you continue the relationship with him. Feel free to message me on my wall if you need someone to vent to. I've lived through more unrequited crushes than you could count.
Thank you both so much for replying. I don't feel quite as upset about it now because even though I still like him, I've kind of remembered that it was never going to go anywhere anyway, you know? So I guess I'm more resigned about the whole situation, I'll just wait these feelings out. Yeah, you're right - honestly we don't have loads of time to talk at work seeing as it's one of those jobs that keeps you really busy, so it shouldn't be too difficult to limit interactions. I can't do much more than that, but I'll try it and see how it goes. Thanks again!
Been there drank too much to that lol. Judging by how long you've known him. It seems like you have a bigger crush on the idea of him than you do him. Not that that makes things any easier. Best advice I can give ya is to wish him well and be happy for him. I find the best way to do that is to find a reason to be happy for you. It kinda helps you realize that it isn't meant to be.
That's true, that's true. You're definitely right that I don't know him too well, but I wish I did. Thank you all for replying. Besides that, today at work he hugged me and I just kind of realised: "shit, I was a fool to think I'd get over this in a couple of weeks". And I still look forward to the days where our shifts overlap and I get to see him - but I'm less depressed about it than I was, I mean, even before he was officially engaged he was basically married to his fiancée anyway, so all that has really changed is the title of their relationship. Obviously I'm still upset about it, but it's not as if anything was going to happen anyway. Thanks again.
Hi GunSmoke: Something that writer Lawrence Durrell said: "There are only three things to be done with a woman. You can love her, suffer for her, or turn her into literature." I find allowing my crushes to inspire my fiction writing helps a bit with the ache. Even if writing's not your thing, using the feelings you have to inspire any kind of art (visual/music/dance) may help. Sometimes turning my attention to helping other people who are in need can be useful too...it kind of gives me some perspective on my situation. Hope you're feeling better soon.
No way! I write a lot, I'd never thought of this! Thanks for the suggestion, and actually I'm doing much better now. It's still nice to hang around with him even if I know it's not going anywhere. I don't feel some kind of heart-wrenching agony, or anything, just uncomfortable and --something else, I don't know-- when he mentions his fiancee. Thank you.
