Hello EC. I haven't been here since March, which is strange because I thought it had been a longer, it feels longer and I don't know why I stopped coming here. Anyway, I'm not well, mentally, and I think I really need help. I never admitted it, but I think I've had depression ever since I was a teenager. It first was because of my sexuality, but over the years, it has morphed into a myriad of things. Because of this, I don't really leave my parents' house, besides going to work, and I've pushed all my friends away. I haven't talked to two of my best friends in months and the only reason I can think of is that I just want to be left alone. If I'm not at work, all I do is go home and browse the internet. The thing that concerns me the most is that I've just become really apathetic towards everything. For example, a few weeks ago, this local family's house caught on fire, and 7 children died in it and I honestly just didn't care. I remember seeing it on tv and just shrugging it off and continued with what I was doing. Like who thinks like that!? What the hell is wrong with me? There're other things, but I don't want to admit them because I already feel like I'm going crazy... So I just don't know what to do. I know I need to see some type of therapist, but I don't have health insurance at the moment and I will probably have to ask my parents for help, which I don't how to do. I already feel like such a burden to them and they do so much for me, that I feel like I can't ask them. I just don't know what to do...
Feeling like a burden is a classic trick/trap of depression, or at least depressive thought patterns. You're their child, and I'm sure if they knew the extent of what you were really feeling, they'd want to help - maybe they even already do. I think you're right to be concerned. You're outlining a lot of isolation and numbing here, which is probably beyond the norm and doesn't seem to have a clear reason (i.e., there was no specific falling out between you and your friends). Try small steps. You don't have to tackle everything at once (this didn't all happen at once for that matter) - your goal for the day could simply be to say to your parents, "I think I need to see a counselor and I'd like to talk about that with you." You don't even need to specifically ask for help - just bring the subject up.
I also think you should talk to your parents... Depression isnt something most parent react very negatively to... they usually act with concern... They usually want to help... I would bet your parents would want to help... Outside of that you might try a LGBT center if you live near one.. They sometimes have counselors available at discounts... much cheaper I believe... Good start reaching out here, keep us posted on whats up.. Hope things can start to turn around for you..
Hi it's me again. First, I want to say I'm truly sorry about not replying to this or keeping y'all posted. I made this post at a time while was at my lowest, and when I slept on it, for some reason I felt really embarassed by it; I just couldn't come back here and face it. I don't know why and I don't know if that makes sense. That's the "reason" why I didn't respond, so I'm sorry. Anyway, I do have an update: I'm doing okay. I wouldn't say better and I wouldn't say worse, basically the same. I STILL haven't talked to my parents because *shrugs* I don't fucking know. I've tried and I just can't work up the courage to do so, it's so dumb. Good news though is that I'm going to see the doctor today and I'm going to see if they can help me. I figure after that, I'm gonna have to tell my parents even if I don't want to. I'm just super nervous about the whole thing, I just hope I don't chicken out when I get there...
You don't need to feel embarrassed about what you typed and I'm kind of sad that you felt unable to come back to us afterwards. It's normal to find that our feelings ebb and flow when we are depressed. Some days can seem terrible and others not quite so bad and we understand all of that. I'm pleased you are going to see a doctor and I hope you can get some help and support with the low mood. It sounds like you need it. Telling your parents is a big thing and it's only natural that you should find the idea daunting. It's also natural that you might build yourself up to it and then realise that you are not as ready as you imagined at the last minute. It happens! Don't beat yourself up if it does happen. It's not dumb at all and so many of us have been there. I was a nervous wreck when it came to telling my parents and my well rehearsed coming out speech ended up as an emotional mish mash of words... but, I still did it. You will too, but you don't need to pressure yourself about it. If you do manage it though, will you let us know how it went? We're here for you regardless.
Yeah I just get embarrassed very easily, so again sorry about that. So I went to the doctor and I was able to tell them about it! The place I go to is actually a clinic and they actually have a therapist on site there, so I was able to talk to him for a bit and schedule an appointment with him next week! My doctor also prescribed me anti-depressants, so this whole ordeal went pretty well! Both of them were really nice which made easier to talk to them, even though I still was probably an incoherent mess. lol Plus, this works off a slide scale thing to pay since I don't have insurance yet, which makes it super affordable! Though I still haven't told my parents, I was sort of exhausted when I got home. I plan on doing it in a bit, it's just really hard to talk to them... Anyway, I just want to thank everyone for the help, the encouragement, and the kind words. It really helped a lot! <3