To make it as short as possible, met a guy while ago, both had recently gotten out of bad relationships, we took things very slow (talking not even so much as kissing until around 3+ months into the relationship) to make sure we did not rush anything. There's always been the topic hovering around, especially when we first met, of him going back to his home state of GA which is across the country from me, and that he has zero interest in having a long distance relationship. Knowing this, as we progressed I made it clear I don't intend on us going anywhere relationship wise. Few weeks in he gets sick, talking he needs to be on medication daily until he goes 2+ years of showing no symptoms. That halts any plans of him going back and he even gets a job out here. That opens the door for us to be more intimate with eachother which we do, because he was supposedly in for a long stay out here. We've gotten to the point that we were even talking about hopefully in the near future (say end of next year) we'd possibly move back to GA together because I don't like it out here. Fast forward to this past week, he tells me has already has a fucking plane ticket to go back to GA this December, before telling me this though he insists "Please don't turn this into a thing where we stop talking now and just end it." I assure him that won't happen (for now) but now I'm just here wandering...What is the point of us? The way things are going it's like he wants to continue to have a serious, closed relationship between us until he leaves and then what? "We'll still talk and I'll visit" he says..But he's made it clear he doesn't want a long-distance thing. From my point of view, I need to get out now. I need to distance myself, and if I see him it can only be platonic and not very often. He says he doesn't want that though. So what the hell does he want? It seems like this is all leading to 'he's not as serious as I am about the relationship, but serious enough he wants to have it while he's here until he leaves.' I don't think he's bringing in the fact I'm already feeling heartbroken hearing this news, and continuing this even longer and then just saying goodbye at the end of the year is going to wreck me. The reason all this is such a shock to me is our meeting and growing close was based on the fact that someone did something similar to him, lead him on for a year and then cheated on him and broke him emotionally. I figured he understands what it's like getting feelings you can't control for someone and someone taking advantage of that, at one point he even looked me in my eyes and told me that if he pursued a relationship with me not to worry because he does not lead people on and is serious when he gets into one. And now...? All I'm hearing is "I'm going back to GA, and that meaning the end of us seems to have no effect on me what so ever." I just..He went from being a sweet, understanding, "I'm serious about my relationships and feelings" type guy that I fell for into "Well it doesn't matter now, bye." Like, he doesn't seemed at all phased by it. There's no reason or need for him to go back to GA right now, in fact his doctors are advising him against it because of his condition right now. It's all completely 100% his decision, choice, and want. It's like he can't wait to get back there and I'm not at all a factor in any of this.
From what you describe, it doesn't sound as if both of you have been making the relationship a priority, really from the start (or perhaps he hasn't been doing so as much as you have). Becoming intimate based on him being "stuck" in a location isn't really intimacy, it's more along the lines of convenience (at least at first). It sounds like the question of his possible move has been hanging over you two from the start. The biggest thing needed here is probably a discussion clarifying what he wants your status to be, and what you want your status to be. If he still wants to be together, and is ready to give long distance a shot now that you've been together for a while, then give it a shot. You can start looking into jobs and such out there asap. But if you want different things, and aren't both comfortable with working on it as a team, then there may not be a road forward together.
It seems like you guys had a convo about you moving to GA if/when he did down the road, but since he bought his ticket without asking you to come, I wonder what that means. Would he be against you moving to GA now? Would you even want to? That might be something to discuss with each other, though perhaps decide first if that's something you're even willing to do.
The relationship wasn't a priority at first, and solely for the reason of the idea of him leaving. Until he started working we hung out literally every single day, and if I we went more than a few days of seeing each other he made it clear it upset him. I tried to set boundaries and told him because of the situation that things between probably shouldn't be the way they are. Seeing each other everyday, treating each other as if we weren't okay with us seeing other people. I brought these concerns up with him multiple times, telling him I have very strong feelings for him and I can't let this go anywhere in fear of getting hurt, and he always pushed the boundaries telling me that he has feelings for me, and liked being with me. There was a point where I was uncomfortable with how attached we were getting so I began distancing myself (this was after his decision to stay here, supposedly,) the result was him sending him an extremely long text about how upset and hurt he felt because I was distancing myself and he was opening up to me and really wanted me around. Then when all this medical stuff happened and he got a job it went from "I'm going back to GA" to "I think it's best if I stay here for a while until things are better with my health and I've saved up a good amount and then maybe someday I might go back." His actions and words all lead to him basically telling me he feels strongly for me and wants us to be together, so I took the chance. Everything was going fine, like I said we were even discussing that if he does want to go back to GA someday in the future that I would probably go with him. That was after he told me, with no knowledge to me "You know if I go back you're coming with me?" I guess his way of telling me he was serious about me and I told him if he's serious then we should talk about it and we did and that was our plan. Now just all the sudden it's like everything just did a complete 360 and he tells me he has plans to go back by the end of this year. No "we need to talk about something" or that our plans were changing. Just a random "Oh did I tell you? I have my ticket to go back to GA in December." He saw how visibly shocked and upset I was and that's where the whole "I don't want this turning into you not talking to me anymore and distancing yourself just because I'm leaving" etc, Ever since then he's been non chalant about it. I think that's what upsets me most, is he that he knew my feelings for him scared me because of him potentially leaving, and that I did not want anything between us because of it. Then he pushed this to where it seemed like we were serious about eachother, going so far as telling me that if he's giving me signs that he likes me not to worry, because he doesn't lead people on because he knows how much it hurts (yeah, obviously.) Now all the sudden the thought of leaving me isn't even a thought. There's no confliction in his decision because we're in a relationship, no hurting because we're no longer going to see each other..Just..he's leaving and that's that. Yet whenever I tried to distance myself and prevent this from happening early on he became beyond upset. I just don't get it. The only thing I can think of is he stopped having any and all feelings for me over night or something.
