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Acting "straight"

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by tyro, Oct 5, 2016.

  1. tyro

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    Hey, so i was just wondering if anyone feels like me about this. Im a guy in my early twenties and i act very straight. Many gay guys i see are very flamboyant and thats the opposite of what i am and it makes me kind of uncomfortable. I like sports, cant dance, etc. I dont have a particulary high or deep voice. Im not overtly manly or feminine. I certainly come off as straight though and feel like i dont fit in with most other gay guys. I just feel like my personality is completely different. I suck at meeting new people and want to find some people more like me but its harder than it seems. Was wondering onnpeople thoughts about this? Does anyone feel the same way?
     
    #1 tyro, Oct 5, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2016
  2. Gravity

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    It might help to start thinking about why you're uncomfortable around gay men who could be characterized as more "feminine" (however that might be defined). It could also help to think about the two sorts of descriptions you give as being less mutually exclusive - in other words, liking sports and not being good at dancing doesn't mean that someone won't have a personality that could be described as "flamboyant." For example, I have one friend in particular who is fairly stereotypically flamboyant, but also one of the biggest football fans I know. :slight_smile:

    Perhaps you could try getting to know more gay men as friends and see how things go from there. You don't have to date every gay man you meet, and the more you know, the more you might find yourself open to dates with various types of people, regardless of their hobbies and such. You never know who might be interested in a sports fan with two left feet, or who you might turn out to like in turn!
     
  3. Jax12

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    I'm actually a little uncomfortable with more masculine guys, always have been. I never had an issue with flamboyant guys, and in fact I feel more comfortable around them. If you can, go to your LGBT centre and meet more people there! Our community is small, and if you're not involved with the community very much you won't know what's going on.

    I love race cars, doesn't make me more masculine though.
     
  4. JonSomebody

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    I have been through situations with gay men when I started going to clubs by myself because I do not fit in with the crowd so to speak. I was told by a bartender that a lot of guys were questioning if I was gay and better yet..if I was a gay basher who flirted with guys and then get them alone and beat them up. He also told me that this was being said about me because I came off too masculine to fit the stereotypical gay criteria. In fact, a lot of my straight friends had a difficult time believing I was gay because they said I do not fit what they assume the behavior of gay men. Although, I eventually became a bartender at this particular club a few years later...I am very much accepted now and I am still the same guy I was at the beginning. They just stop assuming and got to know me better. They all even made up this nick name for me which I have been called for years now..haha
     
  5. redneck

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    I get what you are saying. Im the guy who could go to the Monster truck rally, the football game, and then the sports bar and almost nobody would guess im gay. However, I will say that you dont need to instantly dismiss the guys who are a bit more "flamboyant".

    My now exboyfriend (lets call him bob) is a great example of this. He is the guy who cant say "hi im Bob" without almost everybody in the room going "GAY". I never thought i would be with "that guy" and though we have our differences now I really love bob. The messed up thing is at first I noticed all the little things that people picked up on that identifed him as gay. After a while though I quit noticing them and just saw bob. It actually got to the point that when we would meet new people and they would point out that he was obvious I really couldnt detect what they were talking about because to me he was just bob.

    I know growing up around straight guys it may seem odd at first but trust me if you get to know these people you will get to know some great people many of which love to have fun.
     
  6. tyro

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    Thanks for all the responses :slight_smile:. I'm also so busy in school I just now have time to respond.

    I should clarify - I just think its awkward for me to be around overtly gay guys. The ones who act very gay. I actually don't care how masculine they are. I just find that I can't get along well with them. I also didn't mean to offend anyone I was just giving generalizations to give more insight into my personality.

    I would like to have more gay friends, it just seems I have some trouble meeting them, and I don't have alot of shared interests. I want to be friends with them I just find it difficult due to my personality. Its not really about sports or anything in specific its more of a general "I don't fit in" kind of thing. Even though I may like them.


    I didn't know LGBT centres existed. Where can I find one? Do I just show up or should i go for something?

    I'm also not saying liking sports makes me masculine. I just don't fit in with flamboyant guys and I act more like a straight man. Not even a masculine straight man but I don't have any gay tendencies besides liking men and finding them attractive.

    I feel the same way with not fitting in. However its not because I'm so masculine that I cant be around femy gays (not saying gay people are feminine). I don't know what I would consider myself masculine or feminine. I just know I act more like a straight man.

    Thats an awesome story though and I'm glad to see its possible that maybe I just need to get to know people better. I just have a hard time making an initial connection and am unsure how to overcome that.


    I would have no problems with this "Bob" who is obviously gay and dating someone like that. I just think someone like that would feel like we don't match up well which kind of eliminates a big portion of the community. I ideally would like a guy who is not the type to pound beers and go to monster truck rallies or the one who is very into fashion and kind of girly. I guess a more average guy is what i'm looking for but most my age seem to be a bit off from that. I know there are alot of guys that are gay and like sports but i have yet to meet one! Idk why that is. Maybe I'm just not finding the right ones for me? idk. The guys i meet all seem to rather go to broadway or something like that.
     
  7. B a r e f o o t

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    I don't know what the "straight acting" thing is about. I see many gay men looking for a "straight acting" or "masculine" partner. I know there's no accounting for taste, including my own, but guys with masculine looks or personality turn me off completely. Muscular and hairy guys do too. I don't give them a second look even. The guys you see in most photos, meant to appeal to a wide audience I suppose, almost always are complete turn-offs for me.