I was born and raised in Lubbock Texas in 1981, if you are unaware it's the big shiny gold rodeo championship belt buckle on the bible belt if you get my drift. Growing up it was instilled in us as kids that homosexuality would send you straight to hell and was a curable illness. Needless to say my views on the matter do not coincide with the way I was raised. I have grown up and have my own views now. So I got turned on to crossdressing porn graphs and pre-op M to F pornagraphy about 10 Years ago and the obsession has gotten to be more than I can handle. I am currently married with 2 children and unable to communicate this to my wife due to her beliefs. I cheated on her with an older gay man and she caught me and now our marriage is in jeopardy. Last night I met a M to F transgender woman on Craigslist and cheated again. Same result as the first time my wife caught me and is now threatening to tell everybody my dirty laundry. Under the circumstances I have been forced to come out to my mom, my brother, and my work. It's my own fault I understand that and I'm not angry at my wife for it. I have had to come out but I'm still not sure of what I'm coming out as. I don't have a physical attraction for men, i am attracted to pre op transgender women and crossdressing men. I am attracted to male genitalia but not manly men. I like the feminine man that dresses and acts like a woman. I am just so confused about it all right now. I have told my boss about the same sex infidelity as well as my mom and my brother. I just don't know.
I could use a little help So I have ruined my marriage by cheating on my wife with a man. It all started when me and my wife started exploring in the bedroom with some toys and she told me she wanted to do me with a toy. We both really enjoyed it in the beginning and then out of the blue, she called me a faggot and told me that I am sick for liking it and she threw away the toy and said she never wanted to talk about it again. We never talked about it but im guessing she thought I would rather do that than have normal sex with her. I began to want it more and more and watched a lot crossdressing and pre-op transsexuals porn and it got the better of me. I got onto craigslist and could not find a crossdresser or transsexual that was not a prostitute bit I did meet an older man that was willing to meet me and we did. I am attracted to male genitalia but not attracted to masculine men. I am however attracted to feminine crossdressers and transsexuals. I like the mixture of female looks with male genitals. Is there anyone on here that has the same interest and experience with dealing with it? Please help.
It sounds like you have some attraction to men and are having some difficulty expressing it. For whatever reason, it's started to come out now - maybe it's something you and your wife tried, maybe it's something else, but it looks like it's at the boiling point. You mention that you've had a lot of negative attitudes towards being gay instilled in you from childhood on. They're probably playing a big role in your struggle to express what you're feeling right now. What's the current situation with your family and friends? Do you know many people who would be supportive of gay people and issues? One thing I can suggest for the moment is to stop looking for casual sex while you're still in your marriage, or at least while you and your wife are still officially together/not separated etc. This will only add fuel to the fire in the short term, and it won't make it any easier for you to explore this attraction without feeling the shame you're likely used to (you already talk about "cheating" and "ruining your marriage," you don't need to add any more items to your list of self-blaming). Sorry about the time it took to get a response, but keep posting. Feel free to let staff know if you have any questions (which goes for anyone!).
