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Not sure what to do...

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Len, Oct 6, 2016.

  1. Len

    Len
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    So, there's someone I've been interested in for a while now...Of course, there's some problems.

    -We're friends. I don't want to jeopardize the relationship that already exists by driving him away.
    -Not sure if he likes men, or if he's willing to date a trans man... (I pass, and he does not know I am trans, so I would have to come out to him at some point if I dated him. Nerve wracking!)
    -I've not done very well in the relationship department, lately. I have bad social anxiety, and I always seem to become distant when I date someone. I'm not super worried about that in this case, because I'm comfortable around him already. But, it still weighs on my mind.
    -We probably wont be able to see eachother a lot after this year has ended...

    On the other hand, he's a great guy and I would love to be with him, even if it isn't perfect at first...
    What should I do? Should I ask him out, or just try to let it go? I really need input on this, it's been stressing me out a lot. :help:
     
  2. B a r e f o o t

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Maine
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    There's always a chance of losing a friendship when broaching this subject with them, but I think it's worse to live with the "what if I had" memories for the rest of your life, and they will haunt you for the rest of your life most likely.

    Perhaps you can broach the question of whether he likes men by bringing up the subject in an oblique way, while maintaining "plausible deniability". I would. Be creative.

    I think we all feel awkward when getting to know someone, and the more important that are to us, the more awkward we feel. We know there's more at stake; more to lose. But also more to gain. You're probably no more awkward in reality than anyone; you only feel that you are. Give it a go.

    If you won't be able to see each other a lot after this year has ended, that has two aspects to it. One, is that if you let him pass by, you won't likely get a second chance and even if you do, it will be much more awkward, perhaps making it impossible; and two, if you do try and it doesn't work out or he's not interested, well you wouldn't be seeing him again much anyway. So in a way that works in your favor. If he does respond in a favourable way, then love always finds a way, and you will find some way to be together.

    My final judgement? Go for it. Ask him, but not directly at first. Try to first discern how he would feel about it if you did ask him, by ascertaining his general feelings on the matter, again maintaining for yourself, plausible deniability in case he responds in the negative, you still have a way out. Good luck.
     
  3. xBluex

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    North Carolina
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all

    If you really about him, go for it. The worst possible thing (i speak from experience) that could happen is you get rejected and he doesn't accept that lifestyle but, if that does happen he wasn't all that great anyways. You might get rejected but, it's better than the what ifs that will always be on your mind.

    You want to take a chance if you have one. If he does, he losing more than you are. You lost someone who didn't care for you but, he lost someone who thinks so highly of him and loves him.