A friend of mine commited suicide a few nights ago. I have no idea what made him so upset that he thought that leaving was the only choice. Now a huge portion of the school is completely crushed. I wasn't extremely close to him, but we were close enough for me to see this as if I was losing a brother. It hurts knowing he is gone, and hurts even more seeing my friends in so much pain. I lost my dad when I was nine, and my grandfather about a month ago, so I am less affected by my own grief and more so by others. How can I relate to how my friends are feeling?
SkyGirl, I am so sorry that your friend committed suicide!:icon_sad: And I understand your reaction. It's such a tragedy when someone feels that it is a better choice for themselves to just die at their own hands than to continue living. It completely and definitively ends the possibility that they will have a great and wonderful future. It's clear that you've gone through much more personal grieving processes in your young life, so you can handle this better than many of your friends. Please don't feel that you are detached or abnormal if you don't get as upset or think you feel any less emotionally involved than your friends. That doesn't seem to be the case from what you wrote. Ultimately, though, suicide is an extremely selfish act. The person committing suicide is totally focused on themselves and oblivious to the effect that their suicide will have on others. No one around them should have to feel that they were responsible or like "if only I had..." That is counterproductive. I can tell you that one of the worst experiences of my life was watching a young man that I never even knew commit suicide by jumping in front of a fast-moving train traveling through a train station in Germany. (And I'll spare you the details of the aftermath.) He was only about 15 years old. There were about a dozen people on the platform when he jumped in front of the train, including myself. I was, fortunately, the youngest (besides the kid who committed suicide), but the rest were mostly women and they were immediately shocked and visibly upset, crying and yelling out in shock. My immediate thought was anger at the thoughtless kid who had chosen THAT particular public venue to kill himself and expose all of those innocent people to his final selfish act. As a Soldier, I've seen violence and death, so the act itself bothered me much less - even though I was sad for the unnecessary loss of such a young life. After incidents like this, schools normally offer free counseling to students. If it continues to bother you that you feel less affected, you may want to consider talking to a counselor. I don't know if any of this helps, but I definitely feel for you!
I'm so sorry. I can't give a great answer to your question. I just think as a country we often forget the impact mental health has on all of this and the support systems that are available for those that are struggling.
Suicides are really difficult to deal with. The people left are left in shock, asking themselves why they didn't do anything, why he did it, how we could've stopped it. I hope you talk to a professional about this. It will help you a lot in dealing with the loss. ---------- Post added 8th Oct 2016 at 06:59 AM ---------- Morover, there are factors why people resort to suicide. Mental, physical, religious, and socio-cultural factors that makes up a person's well being. So if one of these aspects are in trouble, it may lead to loniliness, and eventually depression. So understanding these can somehow be the first step in healing. When I was 18 I cut my brachial area, it was so hurtful and I could not control the pain. Although I didn't proceed to end it all, needless to say I suffered for a week because of the wound, and because of what it did to my family. Hope you start your path towards healing. Please do not keep things to yourself, seek help. God Bless You.
I am sorry for your loss. It is never easy going through a loss. (*hug*) We all deal with death in different ways, and have different experiences, and as a result it can be hard at times to relate, or fully understand the emotional impact. If you feel up for it, you could trying to offer to listen or be there for your friends. Often times, there is very little we can say or do, but what we can do is actively listen and say, 'thank you for sharing.' It might be worthwhile to try to speak with someone as well, so to make sure you are taking care of your own well being as well.
I don't know if selfish is the best word to describe a suicidal person. Most people who commit suicide are of a very mentally ill state and think that their actions alone are selfLESS, as in people will be grateful that they're gone. They don't know or understand that others will actually be hurting. Sure, you could say the act is selfish from a technical stand point, but It's more in the way that eating large meals is selfish because there are starving kids in Africa. It's not something you actually think about or consider, and It's not done out of pure malice. I know it doesn't cause the same devastation as suicide, It's just that the motives are similar. Furthermore, saying suicide is selfish actually causes more people to commit suicide. Think of it like fat-shaming. If I tell a girl she's a fat, gross, lazy slob, It's not exactly going to motivate her to lose weight. Instead, she'll feel so shitty about herself that she leans on food for comfort, in turn becoming even more obese and even more unhealthy. Suicidal people are the same. When they are blamed for being selfish, they feel shitty, unloved, and feel like they have even more incentive to kill themselves as they truly are worthless trash in that person's eyes. I have major depression and I've attempted suicide, so I know this is true. What helped me was knowing that people loved me and reacted toward my suicide attempt in a kind, understanding way, while still letting me know I needed help so I would never do it again. The act of jumping in front of a moving vehicle is selfish though because It's poorly planned and puts other lives at risk. If you want to kill yourself, you shouldn't include others. I'm very sorry about the loss of your friend. I hope everyone in the school receives counseling.
