I look too "Hetero". Good or Bad ?

Well that guy sounds like a dick.

So what is it? Are we supposed to go against gay stereotypes to disprove them? Or are we not "gay enough" if we don't conform to them?

A wise man once said: "Think for yourselves. Don't be sheep."

 

You have no idea how many gay men wish they had this "problem"!

If that's how you naturally are, so what? Tell him, "Well, duh, and I'm gay. What are you?" Otherwise, some folk, when closeted, do repress that part of themselves, and after coming out, go wild with the rainbows, only to find a new, happy medium between the two extremes.

 

Ya. I never really understood that. I don't understand how the gay community can scream "don't judge me" and "accept me for being different", then make comments about people who don't look gay enough.

Honestly, be yourself, there are tons of gay guys who will love you for who you are. It's neither a good nor bad thing. It's just you.

 

I wear jeans and band shirts, and say the word dude a lot. If that makes me "hetero," and not the fact that I like D, so be it. I've tried to camp it up and that just didn't feel like me at all. If I'm too "hetero" for people at the club, their loss.

 

Yea I went to a gay club for only the second time this past weekend and the trans woman hosting a little show or whatever wound up saying something very similar to me... She commented on how she could tell I was straight... As I sat in a gay bar... It was quite unexpected lol...

I hear bisexual people complain a lot with something a long the lines of too gay for chicks too straight for guys... Never felt more fitting lol...

And I have considered the idea of camping it up some too, because I am a masculine guy... but honestly, it just isnt me... I cant even think of that many ideas of how to camp it up...

 

I'm very masculine and rather bearish. That has been both a blessing and a curse in my life. It was a blessing in that I never received the homophobic comments, taunts, harassment or hate that so many femme guys had to endure. But it was also a curse because it caused me to not be able to identify with what I thought was "gay" when I was a teenager and led to a life in the closet. Sometimes I wish I had been so obviously gay that people would have just assumed I was gay, and been basically forced to come out earlier in life.

At this point in my life, I'm fine with myself just as I am. I don't care anymore what others think of me. I would recommend that you find that inner confidence to be who you are and stop worrying about what others think of you. If you did, a comment like that wouldn't be an issue in any way.

 

To me this is all rather amusing.

Recently, on a scheduled airline flight, a black female ob-gyn physician was questioned about her "credentials," when she attempted to respond to a medical emergency on board. The airline is doing damage control right now.

So, down in the gay ghetto, they think they can pick out the straight ones, eh? This all reminds me of my spouse's gay male friends, who unanimously, unambiguously, confidently pronounced me boringly, permanently straight. Which had one advantage: It taught me that "gaydar" is bullshit.

On a serious note, however, it does tend to drive gay folks right back in the closet, when we get those small, tentative, steps rewarded with, "are you sure you're supposed to be in here?" attitudes. Why can't they smile and just say, "well, it's about time you came over to the dark side!"

 

People say that I don't really "look gay" so much as I look and act like I'm from somewhere far away and don't belong. I'd say these words are largely meaningless perceptions and you don't have to conform to any silly stereotypes, just be you and they can deal with it.

I'm sure as heck not cutting my hair short any time soon, but I wouldn't care if I had a girlfriend who did.

 

I've been approached many times this way by gay guys in the club. In fact, I was even told by one guy that I was in the wrong club. Initially, I did take offense but eventually...I ignore those accusations and blocked them out. One night..I remember coming into the club with a very beautiful lesbian friend of mine who was a model and a private dancer for a very prestigious gentleman's club here in town. Needless to say...the rumors went rampant that her and I were a couple and I was a gay basher. No one never took in consideration that she was a lesbian. However, this same lesbian friend encouraged me to take it as a compliment because many straight people have such a stereotypical image of gay guys altogether and for me to have actual gay guys to assume that I act and look too hetero speaks in volumes. So...look for the positivity in their remarks ...the hell with the negative perspective.:smilewave

 

Don't change a thing to "fit in." Take advantage of your individuality. Not only that, but hordes of gay guys love to hit on "straight" guys. The ones who respond many times are "acting," straight that is. I'll bet that, for every one who thinks you took a wrong turn and shouldn't be there, there's at least one who's wondering who the rock band t-shirt dude is, or something like that.

I can't tell you how many people I've discovered were at least bisexual, if not gay, that I'd never have suspected in a million years. In one recent case, I was simply amazed. So whatever makes you an individual, keep it as your own, and be proud.

 

The whole thing just seems strange to me. Most of the gay clubs I go to actually have a handful of straight guys. Back in my clubbing gays my group actually had a straight guy that ran with us--on a side note straight guys can clean up with the straight women in a gay bar.:lol: I can't imagine someone approaching someone about it. As far as the looking too straight thing most of the gay guys I know are pretty normal looking. I remember once being in a gay sports bar when a group of straight guys came in. While straight guys are fairly common, groups of them really aren't so my husband and I watched to just see what would develop. As it turns out they actually didn't know it was a gay bar. They were well into their second round when they figured it out--it was entertaining to watch but certainly not a problem in any way.

Tbh my initial response to your post was to wonder how uncomfortable you looked--I don't know how out you are but my guess is that that was what the guy was picking up on rather than the fact that you looked "hetero".

 

I would look hetero if I didn't dress the way I do and wear certain jewelry. I do that to advertise to other gays that I'm approachable and might be available, which I am.

 

Welcome to the club :lol: I've heard some say it's a plus.

 

That part about cleaning up with the ladies at a gay bar is true... That night I gave up with the looking at guys thing pretty quickly after that woman said that on the microphone... But I got 4 girls numbers barely trying... Just talking to the ones I saw dancing or hanging with clearly gay guys... figure if they were dancing with girls they were probably lesbian...

I didnt realize how many straight women hang at gay bars... someone explained it to me though, apparently they are pretty common...