Hey guys, I'm new here to EC and I hope I'm posting this in the right section. There's so much going through my mind right now and I don't know where to begin. I'm going to school part-time (only 2 classes) and have no job with not a lot of money. I don't have a car of my own and I live with my 2 aunts. My self-esteem is pretty low. I've been on several different anti-depressants for 2 years now but I don't notice much of an improvement. :icon_sad: My family knows I'm gay, but I don't know if they ever really accepted it. It's been 6 years since I came out, but I haven't done anything as far as getting to know other gay people and trying to be more comfortable in my own skin. It feels like I'm always going to be in this position and I just don't know if my life is ever going to get better. I wish I could see myself in a relationship with another guy, but I don't know if I'll ever be real comfortable around my family. I just have so many conflicting feelings right now. Sometimes I just want to pack up and move somewhere far, far away. I don't know where and I don't have the money to get me there. I feel like I have no control over my life and just feel so numb. :tears: If anyone has advice, I'd really appreciate it. :help:
Hey there! About your anti-depressants not working, have you talked about this with your psychiatrist? Or are they still trying to find the one that works for you? Your family can change. Maybe one day they will truly accept you and you will feel at ease around them. Maybe not. Regardless, they shouldn't get in the way of your happiness. You will be able to come to terms with yourself and find someone, just one step at a time. The thing is you have a few problems and are overwhelmed by them. There's no need to solve everything at once. You say you haven't done anything as far as getting to know other gay people, so you can start by doing just that! Another big plus is that your family already knows you're gay, so this would be easier for you. Once you're more comfortable, you can finish school (or study more!), focus on finding a job and move away if you think it's necessary. I know you're frustrated and want to start anew as soon as possible, but thinking about it would only make you more miserable. Do you take care of yourself? Even a small act such as getting a proper haircut could shift you into a better mood, and in the long run will make you more confident, social and happy. If you want to vent, to talk about your problem, or simply just need a friend, you can talk to anyone here! Everyone here is friendly. I don't have a lot to offer, but I'm a good listener.
Hey Night Rain, Sorry it took me so long to reply to you. I've tried several different anti-depressants over the last two years and haven't found the right one or the right dosage. I'm currently on 300 mg of Venlafaxine (Effexor) and it just takes the edge off, and sort of numbs my feelings. Some blood tests showed I initially had vitamin deficiencies and an under-active thyroid...so I now take vitamin supplements and thyroid medication which helps. I just still need to find the right anti-depressant and dosage. Anyway, thanks for all your advice. It really helps.
Is there any possibility of speaking to a therapist? Antidepressants take the edge off the worst symptoms of depression, but they don't actually make us happier or address the fundamental issues that cause depression. I would never recommend ceasing prescribed drug treatment, but when it comes to treating depression, therapy is often better and more cost effective. Do you know of any LGBT community/advice centres in your area? Sometimes it's worth getting in touch for local help and support, which may include affordable therapy. It may also give you a feeling of connectedness with other gay people - even if it's only on the basis of friendship. What do you think?
Hi PatrickUK, Sorry it took me so long to reply to you as well. I'm actually seeing a therapist right now. She's been very nice, but I found out recently that she's Mormon, though I didn't hear it directly from her. She's never brought religion up in our sessions, so I'm not quite sure what her reaction would be or what advice she would give me. I just haven't had the courage to bring this up. Right now I still feel a little uncomfortable in my own skin. I don't know if it may have something to do with the anti-depressants? I don't have any sex drive right now and feel emotionally numb. I've also been withdrawn from others so I don't know if I'm quite ready to reach out to a local LGBT support group. I just feel so emotionally paralyzed. I've bottled up so many of my feelings as well. Anyway, thanks for your advice. It's very good and helpful.
Hiya, I don't think I can give very much advice to you, but I can try and sympathise as some of the things you mention seem similar to my situation, in that I don't feel comfortable around my family, but nor do I feel comfortable around other LGBT people. You're at leats one step ahead of me in that you've come out! :eusa_clap I'm still closeted. And I can completely empathise about the job thing- it just feels impossible to get a job nowadays doesn't it? I was unemployed for ages. Have you thought about doing other stuff to fill your time? It works to kind of 'distract' your mind from dwelling on the bad things. Easy for me to say, I know! One thing I would say (and I'm obviously not a doctor) is maybe to try and swapout the medicines for some long-term solutions like finding personal coping strategies and seeing a therapist (which you're already doing). These things have less side-effects Joining EC is a good step to try and get to know more gay people and feel more comfortable. This was my idea with joining EC anyway. It seems like tiny steps, and I still don't have the kind of 'support network' that I would like but it's still early days yet. I think it's a matter of trying to make as much progress as you can on the good days, when they come along
