Hi, im... absolutely terrified. Probably three years back I found myself feeling a multitude of urges to be with men, which there is nothing wrong with, I know. My problem is that I was raised surrounded by cold hearted bigots. They were so bad that I felt they hated me for being bisexual without even knowing I was. It got to the point that I told them I moved out of state so I could finally be me. Should I even reconnect with them? Or leave them in the past?
First of all, welcome to EC. I'm pleased you found us and I hope we can help. I'm a little bit puzzled as to why you now feel terrified and need desperate advice. It seems you cut ties with the family/people you describe as "cold hearted bigots", so it's not clear why you seem to be in such a state of urgent panic. That's not to say you are asking an unreasonable question, but your message suggests a pressing need to deal with this issue when you are apparently safe and removed from any immediate harm. Since moving, have you been able to be yourself and how do you feel now? Have you made any friends or contacts within the local LGBT community... have you dated anyone? You ask if you should reconnect, but I would ask if you want to. The ultimate decision must rest with you. You seem very confident that they would hate you, but you have never tested the reaction in any way, so if you are in a better place and you have a support network you could chance it. Maybe you could write a letter or email, so it feels less threatening and see if you get any sort of response. These letters Empty Closets - Coming Out Letters may offer some inspiration. What are hoping for, by reconnecting?
My blood family was the same, hated me for who I was when I came out o them at 15, I left home at 17, had to wait until I had the money to leave. I never looked back. When I left, I chose not to have a family at all in my mind. Now, I have this huge, amazing, accepting, wonderful family. Blood does not a family make. Real family are the people that are there for you, that will stand beside you proudly, no matter who you are, who you are with or what happens in your life. They forgive your mistakes, applaud your successes and, care about you always. They laugh with you and, cry with you, and when you need it, they pick you up and carry you for a while. My advice would be to forget the past, find your real family and, never mind the blood part, that doesn't matter.
