I don't know where to go in life. I have music. I've been told I'm an amazing musician. This is re-enforced by the fact the I was sponsored at one point (dropped it due to massive censorship problems), I can play eight instruments, and I'm playing for nearly 3 thousand people in March. I absolutely love music, it's what I live and breath, and I can never stop thinking about songs I wrote or a random track that I have stuck in my head. To play music for a living would be a dream come true. I would be able to spread my message, help people of my generation, and fufill what I believe to be the very reason I'm even here (to help people). On the not-so-bright side, the music industry is unpredictable, especially for my genre (punk/alt rock). Nothing's written in stone. Nothing's guaranteed. I'm pretty smart as well, so I could college. Which would be all fine and dandy for most people, but I have a problem with that route. It's a road that hits a dead end way too bloody soon. Sure, I graduate high school with a decent GPA, go to college, do something in life, and get a good job. But then where do I go? That's my problem. It's nothing but a highway with a roadblock at the end. I have suicidal thoughts a lot when I'm thinking about the future. It seems like a futile up hill climb the entire way. I don't know what to do.
This is interesting. You write, in the beginning, with such confidence and belief in your ability, leaving no doubt that you know your ability and talent is well above average. Then, a bit later, you list the track that, apparently, you are "expected" to follow, because you don't seem quite as confident in that. You are right. The entertainment industry is quite unpredictable, at least when it comes to earning a living. Plenty of very talented individuals work for little or nothing. I know a fair number of people in this category, and most of them derive intense pleasure from music and their participation in it. Yet, of course they need that "day job," and it usually is a job that pays the bills but doesn't inspire them. You have captured that dilemma in your post. So the suicide reference seems a bit out of place. Although, I have to point out that I have read more of your story in other posts. But this post, standing alone, seems to be more of a despair about fulfilling others' expectations, before your own. You understandably don't want to do that. But, as one suggested solution you seem to be saying you want to spite them, the others with expectations, by harming yourself. Is this true? Obviously, you believe in yourself with respect to music enough, that i think it's obvious you should seek any education that improves your skills and knowledge in this area. Of course, to do that you'll need a good GPA, and also to do a good audition which most music schools require. Being good, even exceptional at something defines us. It gives us belief in ourselves. Why not capitalize on that? Don't let the almost hopeless statistics of the Wall Street entertainment industry define the game. It's much more than that. It's less of a futile, uphill climb if you take life as it comes, and not try too hard to plan the un-plannable. But have some caution. Taking life as it comes is not the same as jumping into a river and letting the current drag you. You have to choose your environment carefully. In other words, consider carefully what river you jump into. Also, please try to think less of harming yourself, because of what others want of you. You will be doing their bidding for them, if so. I hope circumstances will help you appreciate how special you are.
