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Worried about a friend.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by DAFriend, Oct 25, 2016.

  1. DAFriend

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    One of my good friends, a genderqueer, gay person was told to leave work, permanently. They will find out for sure today why, but last week they got a perfect performance review.

    The only reason we can figure is because they made a slightly self deprecating joke, using the word "fag" at work. Now mind you this is in the UK, so fag could simply mean cigarette. it didn't in this case but, it's not an exceptionally derogatory word there.

    I am a volunteer at this same company and, in semi private conversations, I refer to myself as my friend's "fag hag" which we both actually like. There have been a few semi private discussion where we joke with each other, calling each other fag, halfbreed, they calling me squaw (b/c I am a halfbreed Native American) etc... but all with just a couple of other people who have never voiced a problem with our banter.

    The thing is, they is being punished for this, as near as we can tell and yet I am not. I've already assure my friend that I will stand by them and, if this is the reason, I will step down form my role there in a show of LGBTQ solidarity.

    I'm fine with it but, my friend is a good deal younger than me and, it isn't so easy on them. For me it's no loss of income, for them it is.

    So opinions: should I confront the company or not if, this is really the reason my friend was let go? It is a mega-corporation that is publicly traded and has offices around the world so, a bit intimidating but, had been openly pro LGBTQ for many years. Now this, apparently internal does not match the external image.
     
  2. DAFriend

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    Well, we were right, my friend was dismissed because of one joke about themselves using the word fag. Saying my farewells and comforting "my fag."

    I can't support a company that is pro LGBTQ in voice only and, I refuse to abandon my friend. It's I leave or we can never speak again - NDA contract violation if we do, which we have both already broken.
     
  3. B a r e f o o t

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    What's the companies stance on this; did they think the term was being used in a derogatory bigoted way? If that's the case an explanation might help.
     
  4. DAFriend

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    No, that isn't possible. We joke like that individually and together a lot, have been doing it at work for a long time (a year) and never a word said because we have never done it publicly anywhere a customer might hear or see it. They knew it was just joking around to make a statement about unfair laws.

    For crying out loud, it was just in the office, as usual, nothing new but, this time they used it as an excuse to dismiss my friend. I wasn't even supposed to know what happened or why but, of course I knew almost as soon as it happened.

    The day after, my friend got a call asking if they had anything to do with my decision to leave. Wasn't supposed to tell me anything about why, but, clearly they knew the minute I left why I was leaving.

    Since, I've has no less than 23 people form that company contact me and, beg me to cease all communication with my friend and, come back. I refused.

    I know what the problem is, they think I know more than I should about more than just what they did to my friend and, yeah I do but they can't prove it.
     
  5. falconfalcon

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    I would confront them. If your friend has a perfect performance review, then why were they fired?

    if its because of LGBT, that's discrimination.

    In much of the USA, it was legal, and i think still is

    i dunno about UK


    But its extremely wrong, and they need to be held completely accountable
     
  6. CuriousArticles

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    As someone from the UK I would challenge that as discrimination. If one person can use self discriminatory language and others can't that's not right.

    I'd guess someone in the office made a complaint? Is there another gay person in the office that may have felt uncomfortable with the language? If so, a frank discussion and maybe apology is all that's needed, along with more sensitive and discrete behaviour. Not firing!

    I wouldn't want to go back there in all honesty, but the managers need to be held accountable because its not right.
     
    #6 CuriousArticles, Oct 30, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2016
  7. DAFriend

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    They do and, no one was offended, I've talked to everyone that heard it, we all know it's just how my friend is.

    I'm the same way when I know the people around me are okay with me just being myself.

    I'd think differently if that had been the first time he had said something like that but, it wasn't, he'd been making those sorts of jokes all along and it was never an issue, until now all of a sudden.

    Right now, we've said and done all we can until some NDA agreements expire, we pushed our limits even talking with the people we have but, they are under the same NDAs so, we're okay.

    No, definitely not going back, even if they did, after the fact, get something I wrote while there published in a major industry magazine, in an effort to lure me back. I know what they want, me to play turn coat and report to them about my friend but, I refuse to give in, no matter what they offer.

    There are reasons I value this friendship as highly as I do. One of those friends that few can call a true friend, one that doesn't trust easily and, I've got that. To me gaining that kind of trust from someone is something I will never betray for all the world because I'm the same, I don't trust easily. A lousy past will do that to you, as it has us and, if you've been there, you just don't betray the few that trust you and, whom you trust like we trust each other.
     
  8. Gay Deputy

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    Your loyalty is highly commendable. It is something unheard of in these times. I pray that things work out for the better for everyone involved.
     
  9. PatrickUK

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    I've only just seen this thread, but I think it's important to add a response to try to explain why this happened.

    In the UK, companies and organisations must comply with the prevailing equality legislation. If an employee or volunteer makes comments or remarks that are, or may be considered derogatory or offensive towards any individual, or group with 'protected characteristics' it is very serious and places the employer in an untenable position where they are liable to action. In most cases the employer will have little choice but to dismiss the employee/volunteer on grounds of misconduct, even if they have an otherwise unblemished record. I'm afraid it's not a defence to say it was a joke between colleagues, or nobody has complained -- it really is that serious. If the employer in this case allowed it to continue for over a year they were running a huge risk.

    So, if you are working in the UK (or you are working with people in the UK) be very careful how you speak or communicate. It's very easy to get carried away and find yourself, or one of your good colleagues out of a job.