Hi everyone. Gonna talk roughly. Lot of text. Vent. Rumbling. You're gonna have a hard read. I feel totally useless and I have no future. Why ? Let's have the backstory now : 16yo bisexual teen, low self-esteem. I think that I may have mental issues. Shy and awkward with strangers, happy and extrovert with friends, I can analyze my mind myself. I see myself as a kind, but mostly strange guy. When I was little (can't remember correctly), my parents broke up, shared custody, long story short, it made the shitty traits I have today. Fast Forward 1 year ago, my step-mother kinda explained some things to me, as of why I was born (AKA my mother being a slut, no probs with that), why I got hated on and stuff like that. Also, I realized I was bi 1 year ago, more or less. Yay. 1 year fast forward, AKA now or close past I could have passed my school year but I decided not to for many reasons. I stopped to go to my father's peacefully, I fell in love with my best friend, I'll refer as LV for him (I made 1 or 2 post on it). So, it began some weeks ago, it happened a Monday, I began to think about my best friend and became depressed for the rest of the day because of all the pain I feel becase of it. I stayed depressed for one day, sadness can't take on me too long, I'm naturally happy. After this day, it comes and goes. I can change from happy to depressed if I think a little too much about myself. But this Monday, I REALLY thought of my future, because of a teacher. Enough with the appearance, let's go to the problem. I. Am. Useless. I can't see myself living in 5 years time, because I'd have no job, nobody to love, no money. I hope I'd still have friends at least. Profesionnal life : Too young= No experience= No job. I'd love to be informatician, as long as it is for computers, I'm OK, hard/soft-ware. Romantic life : I am ugly, awkward, shy, only get impossible relationships. Economic life : Well, we're not rich, I have no incomes and no one in my family is working. Right now, I feel like I'm nothing and I really need help, because I might as well stop the suffering right now, or ease it by letting all my emotions flow by a knife or a gun, onto myself or others. And I don't want to hurt other people. I need help, but I don't want to tell anyone. I hate having the spotlight on me. To my mother, It'd stress her even more than everything going on.(If she loves me) To LV, I'd feel so selfish that I'd annoy him for such a dipshit like me. He has better to do than listen to some to me. To a therapist (or anything like that), she'd just say that everything will get better, and forget me as soon as I leave her room. That's why I came here. You guys read it if you want, if you don't, well, you don't. I think that's it. Help if you want, I need it.
Hey ChainedWingz I know exactly how you are feeling because I felt the same way when I was your age. You are way to young to feel like you don't want to be alive past 21! I promise you that you are not useless! I am not a professional in any way just older and maybe can offer some advice. If you want to chat let me know! Take Care! Dean
I can't imagine any decent therapist saying "everything will get better." They've all seen too many people in severe emotional states for that and they know what the outcome can be. Have you ever been to one? I have, and I was helped. It didn't take long either. When you are in a stressful state your thoughts are a tangled mess. A therapist helps you organize them and gives you things to do to change things and something to work on and look forward to; in other words they give you hope. What makes you think no one will love you? I hear that a lot and it's the most absurd thing a person can say or think, because there's always someone who will. I've found the hard part for me is finding someone who I can love, not the other way around. You aren't giving yourself a chance. That inner voice (look up "Inner Critic" and you'll read a lot about it) is lying to you. You need someone outside yourself to sort out the truth from the lies. Suicide is the very last thing that you or anyone else should be considering. A therapist can show you a better way forward. Even a good older friend can, someone who is mature and has been through some things. A mentor perhaps. You need guidance, someone who can see clearly. First thing to do is forget suicide. Second thing to do it make a plan and follow through on it. I was 16 once, I had a very abusive childhood and some rough early years after that, but I survived and you can too. If you make good decisions and lay the groundwork, things will get better, but not overnight. I wish you well.
You are 16. It's completely normal that you don't know where your going in your professional life. In fact, I haven't decided on one thing yet and I'm out of school. But you seem to have a thing for computers. How comes you can't imagine a future there?
