Recently I've been thinking of trying to find a counsellor to try and help me work through some problems which I thought were sorted but are obviously not Just low mood/depression, anxiety etc. I don't want this stuff to affect my work. Also feel like a basket case sometimes, and like time is slipping away (I'm in my 20's but feel so immature and like I shouldn't be affected by stuff still). Anyway, I went to a counsellor a few years ago when stuff was really bad but I left after around 8 sessions because I really wasn't getting anything out of it. The main thing was that I just couldn't open up certain things to the counsellor (I feel uncomfortable revealing a most details about my life to anyone in general, but this is one of the things I want to try and get over!). This just lead her to try and second-guess what the problem was, which obviously wasn't going to work... I also felt that the counsellor just thought I was a weirdo anyway who was stupid for being so whiny and weak about stuff. I dunno... I can't really explain why I thought that Sometimes when we were talking about stuff I would break down in tears (embarassing I know:icon_redf) and she would just give me this confused look like "what the hell are you upset for??". Well that is how I interpreted it anyway. The other thing that I didn't like was that this counsellor made me do this kind of 'life plan' thing. It was just like the kind of rubbish we had to do in school and it was no help whatsoever but she seemed to think that filling in this 'plan' would make everything A-OK overnight. Also I'd have preferred to see a male counsellor, and my counsellor kept asking if I wanted to but I felt too embarrassed to say that I did, in case she thought I wanted to talk about sexual health stuff or something... Do you guys have any tips for me to make my 2nd attempt at this thing more productive (I accept all the problems were probs my fault, not the counsellor's) e.g. how to be comfortable opening up, and what to look for when I'm looking for a counsellor? Thank you!!:icon_bigg
Yes. You will get out of counseling exactly what you put into it. If you don't open up fully to the counselor you are wasting your time. If what a counselor tells you to do doesn't help or doesn't seem to fit, perhaps you weren't open or completely truthful. Usually the things that are hardest to say are exactly the things that most need saying to a counselor. Holding something back will not work. Counselors are not mind readers; they cannot correctly diagnose your problem and offer pertinent help if you aren't completely honest. The first time I went to a counselor I held things back that I didn't want to tell. I got nothing except chat time. The second time I told everything and I got what I was looking for and it made a difference. A counselor should never be judgemental nor should they ever think you are "whining" or that your problem is trivial. If that seems to be the case, find another one, but I doubt you will have that experience, although some are better and more committed than others. I wish you well.
Sorry, yes I know it was my fault that it didn't go well the first time, and I'm not trying to blame the counsellor. Do you know how I would open up? I am sorry if that is another stupid question.
I'm assuming (though I may be wrong) that this counsellor was provided by or through the NHS, so it was kind of take it or leave it. Can you confirm? It's great that the NHS provides free access to health care, but one of the shortcomings of the NHS model is that you have few options about your care providers. If you ask your GP for counselling you will be referred to the practice counsellor or counsellors working within the local CCG and they may not meet your needs or expectations. The client/counsellor relationship is very important if the process is to work and succeed and the first counsellor you meet may not be the best counsellor for you. Sometimes you need an initial consultation, just to see how you feel about working with the counsellor. Counsellors usually have specific areas of expertise and it's important for you, as the client, to know if they can help. If your sexuality is an issue, you need to be aware that some counsellors have limited expertise with LGBT clients. How would you feel about searching for a counsellor in private practice? If you are interested in going down this route, send me a private message and I will provide some extra information about finding accredited counsellors in the UK.
Thanks for replying. No, it wasn't through the NHS. I'd feel uncomfortable making the taxpayer bear the cost of my whinging! and I'd prefer it didn't go down on my medical record. I have emailed a few places yesterday and some of them have come back to me. The problem is that I would have to have weekend appointments due to work. Also I generally go out on a weekend anyway so it wouldn't raise any suspicions at home. Some of the people/organisations I emailed asked for more details so I will ask if there is someone I can see who is comfortable with LGBT issues (well I can guarantee they'll be more comfortable than me haha) Thanks that is a good idea to mention that I hadn't though of. I am just so fed up with keeping eveything inside. I will feel awkward and like a whiny brat I'm sure but I'm at my wit's end at the moment!
