Fear that I'm not natural.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way, I guess since I don't want biological children I have not been affected by this, I also never hear other people having sex.

Straight people get incurable stds and they also engage in anal, so I don't see much difference there.

If you settle down and start a family you could potentially adopt and while it may not be your own blood you could give a child an amazing life that they would otherwise not have.

When I think about hetero sex I'm not disgusted or intrigued its just something i'm not interested in.

I know who I am is natural, I have felt this way since forever.

 

I hate that you feel this way. I hate that there is a cultural narrative that has made you feel this way. The truth is that straight people can contract STDs too. As far as having biological children goes, I get where you're coming from but from a little different perspective. I only started questioning my sexuality fairly recently, so prior to that I was "functionally straight." I've also known for nearly a decade that I was unable to have children. It was devastating at first, but I've accepted it. Infertility is a reality for many people. My extended family includes a number of adopted children, so I've always viewed adoption as great option. These family members are SO loved, and there is no difference in the blood relative or the chosen relative. This might not change the way you feel inside about things from time to time, but just know that you aren't alone in your struggles. I wish nothing but the best for you.

 

I tell you something: Homosexuality isn't exclusive to humans. It happens in a lot of other species all around the world. And some animals do not have offspring, but they care for the kids of their group. You're absolutely natural.

 

Being gay is tougher, not any less natural. Yes, even sex is sometimes more difficult, but it is what it is. Sorry for the useless answer, I wish I could be more helpful.

 

I'm totally uncomfortable with heterosexual sex.


i _dont_ want to hear about it. it makes me really sympathetic to ignorant people uneasy about homosexuality - i don't blame them if they dont' want to think about gay sex or hear about gay sex. I dont want to think about heterosex or hear about heterosex!!! Can everybody just keep privates, privates? Thank you world!!!


Everybody has instincts towards parenthood - ever hear woman talking about their "biological clock" "ticking"?


Maybe its important to address your issues a bout fatherhood?


Have you considered fulfulling a parental role, or at least mentoring role to a youth? Of being an elder to youth? in personal relationships, or the community?

Have you thought about reproduction?

If it would make you happy you could consider donating sperm to individuals looking to reproduce...


There are a lot of options to dealing with the needs of humans to experience fatherhood in its various expressions...

take care

 

Precisely what I was going to say! If homosexuality was unnatural, it wouldn't be visible in countless species across the world. (Apparently there are a lot of gay lions, for one.)

Also, creating life isn't the be-all-and-end-all of relationships. Plenty of heterosexuals have anal sex. Plenty of heterosexuals do not have children, cannot have children, and/or they choose to adopt kids. Nobody calls them unnatural, so why should you be?

 

I have a lot of experience overcoming religious shame. I grew up in a home that can only be called a Christian Zealot house. I had a mother and father but, I did not have a Mom or Dad. I had two people that preached at me, abused me, told me how sinful, evil, filthy, wrong, unnatural, bad I was for being anything but hetero.

My first sexual experience was with a girl from school. Afterward I felt so wrong, bad, evil etc... that I tried to take my own life - ..."should be stoned..." preaching kicked in big time.

I survived that and tried to be straight, got married, had a daughter, the whole show but, that wasn't me, I was unhappy, unfulfilled and, always wanting more.

Amid a divorce, I met D, a gay man who ws there for me. he had been there too. We talked for hours and, on day, I couldn't handle home anymore, I walked out with only a backpack and my daughter. D. welcomed us with open arms.

That was the turning point. Suddenly it was not only okay to be myself, someone I loved encouraged me, liked me for being myself, wanted me just as I really was. That's what it took for me to be happy with me was another person I loved being happy with me being me.

I've never looked back, whomever can think and say what they will, no one has to live with me for the rest of my life except me. I am who I was meant to be and, that's a pretty great person. if others can't handle me, that's their shortcoming, not mine and, their loss. I'm a great friend to have, but if they don't want me, so what, i don't need them in my life. D. helped me realize that and, once I got it firmly planted in place of the religious garbage, life got better. I found amazing people that like me for who I am and, let me be myself.

 

Inhibitions about sex amongst gay people - especially gay men, most often stem from a place of guilt and shame. If the narrative we hear as a child and adolescent is one that conditions us into believing that homosexuality is deviant, abominable or otherwise dirty it corrodes our self belief and innate sense of worth as a human being. It plants within us a deep seated feeling of shame and loathing.

The idea that homosexuality is an abomination most often comes from a rigid interpretation of holy scripture and the narrative we hear from some churches is that sex is a means of procreation and nothing/nobody should interfere with the reproductive cycle. Both messages are deeply flawed though. When we reduce intimacy between human beings to something functional we remove the tender love and affection that would otherwise exist and replace it with a level of fear. That's very unhealthy and seems grossly at odds with a reasonable understanding of life and love.

Yes, accidents can occur during anal intercourse, but there are ways of mitigating the risk of accidents. Even straight couples can encounter 'mess' if they have sex at the height of the woman's menstrual cycle and it's for this reason that many straight woman refuse sex during their period.

In the same way, STD's are just as much of a problem for heterosexual couples as gay couples. The message about safe sex applies to all people. You are only abusing your body if you take needless risks.

If you were raised with a staunch religious narrative, the first step in dealing with guilt and shame is to correct or reject the narrative. Rejection often (but not always) means abandonment of religion, while correction is about researching ideas about belief beyond the confines of one denomination.

There is some excellent work out there from learned theologians who reject the narrow concept of literalism and provide sound arguments to support their ideas. Instead of seeing religion as a straitjacket to control us, they see it as a way of releasing us and giving us freedom to live and love. As a person of faith I wanted to embrace my sexuality without abandoning religion and that's what took me on the path of theological research. The clobber passages that once shamed me, now mean something deeper and more significant and I kind of appreciate them. It's enabled me to live as an openly gay, married Christian who views sex and love as a gift of God. If you need to move forward, start with your religious beliefs.

 

As a father of 2 kids, I think you might be over-idealizing creating children. I really didn't think about any feeling of "life energy" that I was creating. I was having sex. That's really about it.

My wife and I were attempting to get her pregnant, so it wasn't like an accident or anything, but the sexual acts that created my children weren't some magical sparkly epiphany-inducing acts of creation. It was sex, and pretty plain vanilla sex at that.

The magic came later when they were born.

 

though i understand how you feel, it is your life, you are beautiful despite whatever doubts you may have. the creation of children isn't the crux of life, being proud of who you are and what you've accomplished IS. don't doubt yourself for one second, because you are completely natural. if anyone tells you different? fuck em