I have a question, and this seemed like the best place to ask (although I have added this to a previous thread of mine) Is it ever okay to fake agreement or at least indifference to homophobia to blend in? I am a closeted guy. I live in a community and family context that is very homophobic, and in the past, and even sometimes now, I have agreed with homophobic rhetoric, laughed at jokes that weren't funny about the community, and generally stayed silent. In the last year or so, I have just started being silent or not engaging at all. I DONT AGREE with any of it - It really does bother me. I only have been this way because if I were to stand up and defend myself and my community like I want to, I would immediately be shot down and lose a lot of people, if not everything. I feel like I'm being a coward, and that I've missed a lot of opportunities to be there for fellow LGBT teens and adults, and that I've just contributed to the problem. Is that wrong/being a coward? Another post got me thinking, and I was wondering.
If it's going to cause trouble, or compromise your safety/security to stand your ground and argue, then don't. The time will come when you can, but if it's not now, so be it. Maybe you can secretly donate to or support organisations that advance the cause of LGBT rights instead. At least you will know you are doing something positive by supporting people who can and will argue for our rights and freedoms. Stay silent, but please don't join in. I say this mainly out of concern for what it will do to you. Silence confirms nothing and denies nothing, but joining in makes you complicit and when you know you are gay yourself that will add to feelings of guilt and shame. It sounds like you've already got plenty of that to contend with, so don't make things worse. Hope this makes sense.
I know exactly how you feel, as I spent over 35 years in the closet. I have had to endure for many long years the comments, jokes, stories, and general heteronormative talk from straight people. I basically ignored the gay community during my time in the closet. I am thankful, as PatrickUK suggests, that I did not participate in any of it, but I sometimes still feel like I was complicit in my silence. Perhaps you can begin making a plan to eventually come out. You should only come out when you are ready and are in a safe place to do so, but I do think you will feel better about this once you do. Take care. ride:
don't do it. i've been around homophobic people all my life, and i have never been keen on entertaining their bigotry. participating only fuels their irrational hatred even more. it makes it seem to them like it's an okay thing to do so they do it more, making you feel like you should stay silent because you're some kind of devil. don't. argue back, fight their views, let them know that you don't condone any of that bullshit. even if they fight back, never give in.
warrior, if you join in to fit in it will only make you feel bad about yourself which will lead to feelings of lower self worth and hate for yourself. IHAVE BEEN where you are! I know that listening to the ones you love say those things rips a little piece of your soul out each time, but it will be worse if you join in.
You have to understand - MANY people who trash talk minorities are "just going along" No, its not ok. BUT nothing is having your head beaten in. Which is what some people will do when you stand up to them As one famous gay put it when she came out you need to be "safe and able" to come out. I would enable hatred, i would do everything you can to not be a part of it. And you are making your self sick by doing bad things, and also by hiding yourself and demeaning yourself. You maybe not able to win this battle, and being brave to hide and survive until you can, but living like this does become cowardice, and makes you sick. You need to stand up for yourself and be yourself to be healthy. Better to do on your feet than live on your knees - its true, mostly. But if one most hide in secret, to survive losing a battle, to then escape and later help win the war ? well- this is how many warriors are taught, and expected. Take care - make escape plans from this horrible closet "sentiment without action is ruination of the soul" -Edward Abbey <3 ---------- Post added 11th Nov 2016 at 04:54 PM ---------- aw man, where's the edit button? I need to not type when I'm this under the waetther edits: but _neither_ is having your head beaten in I would NOT enable hatred better to 'die' on your feet than live on your knees.. .? sorry
