Betrayed by Catholicism

I feel deeply betrayed by Catholicism. I was raised in a church where I was required to attend religious formation classes once a week and go to Confession at least once a year. I used to pray before every meal, even if it meant doing the sign of the cross in front of my classmates at school and feeling self-conscious about it. I used to pray each night before bed. My Mom always told me not to eat meat on Fridays during Lent, but we never went to church for Holy Days of Obligation. So that was confusing. In high school, it had been a while since my last Confession and I told my parents I felt like I should go since I hadn't gone for a while. But they said it was no big deal, so I didn't. But for a while I felt guilty about it.

Also in high school, many of my friends were pro-gay and sometimes they would criticize me for being pro-life and pro-traditional marriage. One time when I got into a heated argument with my friend about abortion, my Dad called me "the salt of the earth" for speaking out against abortion. When one of my good friends came out to me as bisexual and another one of my good friends came out to me as gay several years later, I remained good friends with them but still opposed gay marriage. When I started questioning my own opposition to gay marriage, I looked up the reasons behind the Catholic church's views on it. The church justified its opposition to homosexuality by asserting that gay people have higher rates of promiscuity, STD's, and mental illnesses. I bought into that.

A couple years later, I suddenly came out to myself. And I'm okay with being gay, but...I'm not okay with the fact that my church lied to me. And I don't know if I'll ever truly get over it. Why is this so hard? :icon_sad:

 

Well all Catholic churches are not against LGBT....I think the pope is LGBT friendly. He has recognized the LGBT community and has offered an apology.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9CrBwtyz6E

While I don't know hundred percent how he personally feels. But he has stated Pope Francis, that it isn't his place to judge a person.

There is a famous scripture....Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? (Said in various manners) also those without sin cast the first stone.

I don't know if you are from the states/Canada, but this link can help you find a gay friendly church in your area. Find an Affirming Church - GayChurch.org

While I am not of your faith...I did grow up in a very religious household...My mother is pretty liberal (but she flips back a forth) she believes it is not her place to impose herself in someone else's life and that gave use the freedom of choice to choose what path we will follow...while my father is religious he doesn't talk too much about it and always been a whatever type of person. He has a sibling who is homosexual and well they don't talk..but my father is the loner type...not that close to anyone really.

I have same beliefs as my mother in that it's not my place to dictate someone's moral compose and that if I want freedom of choice...then I have to give that to someone else and respect people for who they are.

Really it's a time to really connect to spirituality and what your image of god is right for you. It's truly your decision if your want to find a faith/translation of god that accepts your homosexuality or if you believe in burying your sexuality for a higher spiritual reason.

Best of wishes and I hope you find the path that is best for yourself!

 

I grew up catholic too. Confession, Sunday school, weekly mass, holy days of obligation- all of that. I've done a lot of research about homosexuality, even before I knew that I was gay, but I'm not a theologian by any means, so what I'm about to say should be taken with a grain of salt. As I understand it, the Church is not anti-gay, so to speak. The Church is anti-premarital sex, because of the sixth commandment. The Church views marriage as a sacrament, and under the sacrament of marriage, children must be possible. So, even if I was straight, under the strict catholic view of marriage, I couldn't marry a castrated man. And women are out of the question because I can't get pregnant from a woman. So, because gay marriage doesn't meet the requirements of the sacrament of marriage, the Catholic Church is against gay marriage. And because the Catholic Church is against pre-marital sex, it's also against gay sex. Officially speaking.

Now, if you look at the average catholic opposing gay activities, even some poorly educated priests, you get people with different reasoning - the Bible, gay people are mentally ill, gay stuff is unnatural, etc. I once had a catholic woman tell me that if gay marriage was allowed, then what next? Marrying lunch boxes? (Which is a terrible argument, since marriage, in this country, requires consent and lunch box can't consent.)

Regardless, the church is anti-gay marriage and gay sex, but it isn't anti-gay people. The church is not supposed to support discrimination, even if it sometimes does. Pope Francis does not, as far as I can tell, support gay marriage. He does support an end to hating and hurting gay people. (Of course, one could argue that depriving us of our right to marry and have sex is discrimination.)

For me, I don't feel betrayed by the Catholic Church. I've known for many years its opinions, and, to a certain extent, I can see where it's coming from. But I disagree with it, and I no longer feel welcome. Although the Church is moving forward in its tolerance campaign, there are so many Catholics that aren't on board. And I want to get married one day, and I believe that that's my right. I've left. I'm looking at the episcopal church, but I haven't decided for sure where I'll go yet. It hurts to see my family continue feel comfortable at Mass when I can't, and especially see people who are "less catholic" be welcomed in. My sister hates the Catholic Church, still identifies as catholic, but she is still allowed to get married and raise her kids in the Church. Me, on the other hand - I went to mass almost every Sunday after I started college, I defended my church to people who hated it, I was willing to wait for change when it came to views on women, I learned as much about the church as I could - as I'm writing this, I realize that maybe it is a betrayal of sorts. Loyalty doesn't matter when you're gay, I guess.

Hopefully my rambling perspective was helpful. I'm still working through my relationship with the church. I'll probably still hang on to my ten rosaries and appreciation for crucifixes and kneeling, but I don't think I'll ever identify as a real catholic again.

 

Daughtry,

I know where you are coming from. The religion I was raised in, in addition to my birth family betrayed me too. I was just 16 at the time and, it took me another year to get out of that home.

When I left, everyone I had once called friend or family told me that I was going to Hell for being LGBTQ. I decided that was impossible since I had lived in Hell for most of my life at that point. First hiding who I was, pretending to be straight, then, being told how wrong and evil I was once I came out. Reminded over and over how wrong being anything but straight was, how I was an abomination, etc...

The day I left that home was the day I denounced my faith, I abandoned the god and book that had betrayed me and, had led my family to betray me. Right or wrong, think what you like of me for that but, for me that was the right decision.

No loving, perfect god would allow that to happen to anyone he actually cared about. So, either that god is not the benevolent being I grew up believing he was or, he simply doe not exist and, it's all just a sweet, if biased fairy tail. Either way, that religion, that faith and, that god betrayed me and, led others to betray me, left me alone and on my own in this world.

Yes, it's a massive bow, having it all striped from you, every fundamental truth you thought you knew ripped out of your heart by betrayal. Finding a new truth, a new path isn't easy but, it isn't impossible either. We can be spiritual beings without being religious ones.

I know that every church is not like the one I was raised in, some are fine for us and, i respect those that are Christian. I simply cannot be one, not after what that path did to me, and what I've seen similar betrayals and homes do to others. No, to me it destroys lives of lGBTQ youth, causes too many suicide attempts, and, breeds intolerance and hatred. That's the final lesson I learned from that religion that betrayed me.

Ultimately, it is a personal decision and, only you can choose a spiritual path for yourself. Consider carefully, remove the influence of the past and, you'll find the path that is truth for you.