Crush on a close friend who's in a relationship

queenmarceline · Nov 13, 2016

I met a girl a little over two months ago and kinda developed a crush on her like a week after we met. I haven't done anything about it because she's in a relationship and I ain't about to be no homewrecker.

But anyway we've gotten real close and we talk about a lot of personal stuff together, we both know that the other likes girls, and she always says how much better girls are (she's bi). At this point she calls me cute a lot and we spend much of our free time together. We also cuddle a lot and we'll hold hands or she'll lean on me or whatever. We also spent the night together a few days ago, she was essentially sleeping on top of me. Like for real whenever we're together we're touching.

And two very interesting incidences occured recently. Recently she found out a guy likes her and she was telling me about it and was like "that would explain why he was asking what was up with us" and she went on to say that the guy wasn't sure if we were together or if she had broken up with her boyfriend. She didn't tell me however how she responded to his question. And I also asked how her best friend likes me and she was like "yeah she really likes you" and I asked if that was it and she told me that her best friend also told her to break up with her bf and date me... Which I'm kinda shocked that she told me that.

So yeah I dunno what to do because I like her a lot and I value her friendship alone but I do have a crush on her too... I told my other friend this and she said to admit my feelings but I feel like that would put her in a tough spot and I don't want to do that to her.

DAFriend · Nov 13, 2016

Being honest is the best way to go, I doubt she will be offended that you are attracted to her. I'd just tell her that you are open to the idea, if she want's to follow her fiend's advice and date you.

renard · Nov 13, 2016

I totally understand that you don't want to be a homewrecker or force your crush to make a tough decision, but especially in the third paragraph, it really seems to me like she's inviting you to tell her about your feelings. But even without those direct questions, all the physical contact (etc.) seems to suggest the same thing.

Also, in my experience, telling someone you have feelings for them has never ruined a friendship (and I've been on both sides). What has ruined friendships for me are situations where someone keeps forcing themselves closer without making their intentions clear. Again, I speak only from personal experience here, but the latter has tended to foster bitterness on both sides. Besides, you seemed to develop a crush on this girl pretty quickly; you know how you feel, and I'm guessing you can only keep your feelings secret for so long.

So, yeah, I'd tell her exactly how you feel.

Important note, though: if her relationship is monogamous (and if that's what you want, too) and she says she likes you back, then her current relationship needs to end. If she's willing to lead you on indefinitely as a "side fling" to her main relationship, then that's a problem.

In any case, whatever you decide, good luck! Be honest, and I'm sure you'll be just fine.

p.s. For the record, a friend told me she had a crush on me just about two weeks ago, and I said I wasn't interested. We've hung out several times since then, and it's been totally normal. So, yes, there's hope even if she's not interested!

Crush on a close friend who's in a relationship

queenmarceline
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Crush on a close friend who's in a relationship

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