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struggling being gay and obsession with straight men

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by hatebreed, Nov 14, 2016.

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  1. hatebreed

    hatebreed
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Italy
    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hey new here i needed to talk to someone with objective views and i thought this forum is the right place.
    I am a 25 years old gay guy from italy, i came out with friends and family 8 years ago, since then i had 3 relationships in the last 3 years and started joining gay parties and downloading gay apps such as ******.
    I am what gay culture would call a muscled bear/cub, i am masculine (often confused as a straight guy) and competitive weightlifter.
    Everytime i go to gay parties i feel frustrated and depressed, the costant feeling of being judged by hundreds of queens thirsty of gossip, talking about how others are dressed or their haircut, if someone is a bit overweight, seems like this people go to gay clubs not to have fun and feel comfortable but to talk about others and try to feel better about themselves. I have nothing against those who are androgyn or feel good with their feminine side but the lack of testosterone at this parties is shocking and honestly if all you talk about is new makeup brands, new lady gaga hit and things like that i lose all my interest.. Also everyone who is not white skinny model type is not worthy of attention, seriously i had more girls flirting with me.
    I dont even want to think about the disgrace that ****** is, "no blacks no fats no asians" wtf is this? Are these people serious? You can have your own taste about men but being a racist dick is just shameful.
    It is been a few years that i have this feeling of self hatred, i hate being gay, not because being gay is a sin unnatural or what else but because it makes me feel lonely and like shit. I never feel judged among straight people. Gay guys make me feel like i am not attractive enough or worthy enough, it gives me anxiety and everyday i wake up wishing i was born straight. I wouldnt spend time and money on parties with bad music and bad people, i would probably find my girlfriend in normal places like gym, work, even at the groceries store without creating pathetic profiles on dating apps..
    Also my first love was a straight guy of course he didnt care about having something with me but that sunk me in a 1year long depression and i still have a kind of obsession with straight guys. I am not talking about typical jock alpha hypermasculine fantasy but normal guys. There is something about them that is attractive and makes me feel like shit because i know i have no chance with them.

    All this situation is giving me depression.

    I am sorry for the long rant
     
    #1 hatebreed, Nov 14, 2016
  2. Bolt35

    Bolt35
    Full Member

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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
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    Out to everyone
    Maybe, you might need a new place to start looking into. Gay parties and apps, can only get you so far, and most of the time, guys in general would just be looking for a toy to play around with. It sounds like the stereotypical gays that would definitely live up to that expectations, and they don't really have anything better to do besides gossip. There is definitely a lot more guys that can be better than that, just have to know where to look. You said you were a muscled bear/cub type, i'm pretty sure there are quite a few guys that would love to date someone of your type, especially in the bear community.You'll have a much easier time blocking out the negative vibe that people use to bring you down.
    It's not easy being gay, I know, though it's easier to remember that we have a community for it rather than being individual outcasts. I used to think the same way, with all the stereotype gays making me uncomfortable, not being able to find someone decent on apps and gay spaces, not living up to people's expectation as a gay man, heck, being a gay guy that likes to work out. I think if you give yourself some new perspective and ask yourself questions, you could bring yourself out of depression. It's important to understand who you are as a person and what can you do to make yourself happy. don't be scared to ask yourself, what do you find attractive in men, what makes you more interested in straight guys than gay ones, how can I make work, there's no shame in it at all. continue to be yourself, and the right opportunity will present itself. hope this helps
     
    #2 Bolt35, Nov 14, 2016
  3. faceup

    faceup
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Hill Valley
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    I love a cub bear type, I do not like skinny guys!!
    I think there is a place to everyone, you just need to know where to look at.
    Try to find a bear party
     
    #3 faceup, Nov 14, 2016
  4. hatebreed

    hatebreed
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    Location:
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    Gay
    Thanks guys that was sweet :slight_smile:
    I dont know if there is a bear community here. It is a small town i know there is an lgbt rights association that organizes cultural events, i might try with that and see if i can change idea about the gay community of this city
     
    #4 hatebreed, Nov 16, 2016
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