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How to deter friend from quizzing me on my love life

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by EvaDream, Nov 23, 2016.

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  1. EvaDream

    EvaDream
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    I haven't had much of a love life. I'm not happy about this and plan to do something about it. In the meantime, how do I keep my lack of a love life private from a good friend (who I don't see very often) who wants to know all the 'goss'? I came out to everyone earlier this year and she seemed to assume that meant I had stuff to share. I don't. I'm visiting her very soon for an overnight visit. I want to keep my privacy (i.e. my dignity), but I don't want to feel awkward with my friend. Or, worse, get annoyed with her. How do you set these boundaries with people you're supposed to be close to?
     
    #1 EvaDream, Nov 23, 2016
  2. DAFriend

    DAFriend
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    Just tell her what you will and will not discuss. "My love life is something I prefer to keep private." Should suffice.

    Real friends respect your boundaries. There are things I know mt BFF doesn't discuss with anyone, me included. No big deal, I have some of those things too. We mentioned them once and will vaguely refer to those things if it helps explain something else but, they are not a topic for discussion.

    If a person could not respect my off limits topics in such a way, we wouldn't be friends for long, if at all.
     
    #2 DAFriend, Nov 23, 2016
  3. Astrocyte

    Astrocyte
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    I think the above advice is really good. But I also wanted you to know that not having much of a love life is nothing to be ashamed about. If it makes you feel any better, I haven't had a love life (yet) either. It's better to be your own person and do things at your own pace. (*hug*)
     
    #3 Astrocyte, Nov 23, 2016
  4. ForeverDaisy

    ForeverDaisy
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    I agree DAFriend. Good friends respect your privacy! But I'm willing to bet she only asks because she cares and I'm sure she'll be a champion of yours once you do have exciting news to share!

    And it is true that not having a love life isn't anything to worry too much about! Its only recently that I've entered the dating world (with a few fumbles) so you are not alone!
     
    #4 ForeverDaisy, Nov 24, 2016
  5. EvaDream

    EvaDream
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    Thanks for your responses. They helped me get into the right headspace.

    As it turned out, she didn't 'quiz' me at all. We caught up with lots of stuff, but by the time we were sitting out the back of her place with a glass of wine in hand, it turned out she had her own heavy Life stuff going on.

    But as I said, your comments really helped me sort my head out before the visit. As I was driving towards her place, I wasn't thinking "oh shit, what am I going to say", but "hey, I'm excited, I'm about to spend time with one of my oldest friends!". So thanks.

    I think you're all right. I don't have to feel ashamed and I don't have to share anymore than I'm comfortable sharing. I need to practice setting boundaries and not feeling guilty. You only get better with practice, right?
     
    #5 EvaDream, Nov 26, 2016
  6. Astrocyte

    Astrocyte
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    Fantastic! I'm really happy that you're in a much better space now. Much of this game is battled in our heads rather than the situation that lays before us. I'm glad it's going more smoothly now. :slight_smile:
     
    #6 Astrocyte, Nov 26, 2016
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