Hi guys, I'm not sure if I'm asking a question, looking for advice or what. I just want to post to see if anyone has any thoughts. It might end up helping me out. So I have found myself acting as a bit of a shoulder to cry on lately (maybe not that extreme - but someone to talk to). I have had some serious conversations with friends (even some I don't know that well), about talking openly about issues that are getting them down. I've been saying to them a lot, not to keep things to themselves, that they should vent, and give out, and complain about everything they are unhappy about. That I am more than happy to listen. That they shouldn't let things get on top of them by not talking to someone (like me). That all sounds well and good, only I am being completely hypocritical. I am struggling quite a bit with a lot of things. My sexuality, anxiety issues, a longstanding feeling of depression, are just a few of these problems. And the best part? I can't talk to anyone! Not that I have no one to talk to, I know a few people that I could tell, that would listen, that would be ok with it. But I still can't do it. A million things go through my head when I think about telling people, like fear about what could happen, guilt and shame, and lots of others. I know that most of these thoughts are irrational. I really do know it! But no matter how much I tell myself, the thoughts still wont leave my head. So my issue is that I feel like a bit of a fraud or something for telling people it's ok to talk. How can I give advice to people when I don't even follow it myself. I know its good to talk, so maybe it's ok because I am giving off the right message. I also just don't understand how I can know it's good to talk to friends and family about problems, but I'll do anything to avoid actually doing it myself! Anyone have any thoughts? p.s. I am actually trying to get in contact with a counselor. But while I'm going to find it hard to talk to a professional, family and friends just seems impossible.
Everyone needs someone to lean on at one point or another in their life. It is nothing to be ashamed of. You have been strong for others, now it is their turn to do it for you. If you find it hard to talk in person about what is bothering you maybe see if you can set up with a friend or loved one to "talk' via email or text, at least at first until your comfortable. I am glad to hear that you are setting things up with a councillor, sometimes it is easier to talk to a stranger, you won't feel like they are judging you. Maybe try calling an anonymous help/support line. Tell everyone on here what is bothering you, people here are very accepting and good listeners. Don't keep it bottled up inside , it is good to vent. Makes a person feel better, but you know all this. No one expects you to be the strong one all of the time. Take care of yourself and give yourself permission to open up and lean on someone else for a change.
It's actually very common that people who are in deep mess themselves help other people out. I think it's really good of you to be there for them; but you need to make sure you have enough time for yourself too, for your issues, so you can resolve them too.
Hi guys, Thanks for your advice. You're definitely right and if i was talking to someone in my situation i would say the exact same! Problem is transferring that over to me actually telling someone the things i thought i would never tell anyone. I know I did this before when I spoke to a counsellor a few months back. But i struggled a lot to actually say anything and i knew he was a stranger, had heard things like this before, and i wouldnt see again after i left college! Im at a bit of a loose end at the minute because the counselling place i emailed never replied back to me. And i dont think i can afford any of the places that charge a full rate. Just seems like any time i try to do something to help it fails :bang: Oh well! Thanks again.
Use this and other advice forums to your advantage. Seriously, pick one or two things that are really affecting you, type up an explanation getting everything you want to say and what you are thinking down, and then post it. Yes it's taking a chance, yes it is probably divulging some personal information but in reality, no one on here knows you personally and nearly everyone on these sites are here to give and receive advice. I firmly believe that sites like this are even more helpful than paid professionals because you get real answers from people that have experiences things first hand. I saw a therapist for a few sessions while posting on sites like this and Gayspeak and I honestly felt like I got better help form the forums. It has helped me a few times with some really deep scenarios and it can certainly help you as well. Just keep talking to us on here. The worst thing that happens is you don't get a response but I highly doubt that ends up being the case.
Hi pman117. Thanks for your advice. You have a point there. People here have been through a lot of this stuff. And there is stuff that I don't think I could ever actually say to someone in person, more appropriate for an anonymous post I think. I just don't really know where to start. But I will try and think of my biggest problem at the minute and post something on it. Thanks.
