Hello there, this may seem like a random topic for this site, but because I've received nice advice and comments on several other things I've decided to post it here. I am way too competitive. Competitive to the point where it drives me nuts. Competitive to the point where everything is a winning/losing situation. It's unhealthy. I've been competitive throughout my life. When I was a little kid I hated computer games that made me repeat a certain level. I would scream and shout, basically tear the whole computer apart, if I didn't get through the level. If I didn't get through the level within a certain amount of time, I would stop playing the game and never pick it up again. I was an impatient and angry child when it came to achievements. I've noticed my competitiveness first when I was 13, when I started to get stressed around school and so constantly trying to prove myself. It caused a lot of anxiety,tears and most of all: aggressiveness. I couldn't stand the kids who bragged about their A++ and would sneer at them. In my fantasy I'd smack them in the face. When I got home I would cry and break a certain object to release the anger. Even P.E. and art class became territories of achievements. In those times I had to admit to myself that I sometimes hard work doesn't result in getting the best grades. But when I realised that, I started slacking. Being the kid with the C. Since I couldn't be the best, then I had to be on the edge. If I didn't get what I wanted with hard work (being number one) then I had to find another way. And scince being number 2 was far more humiliating in my eyes than being number 10, but not yet failing classes, I decided I would be number 10. I thought I was being healthy, accepting being number 10. Others thought so too. This wasn't the case. I've not ultimately stopped comparing myself to others, but heck who does. I am genuinly happy for persons when they achieve their goals they worked hard for. I do not feel happy for persons who don't do shit and then brag about it. I feel good when I get a B or a C. I recently started uni and have given up sports. But my competitiveness and impatientness towards myself is still here and it is more thriving than ever. Uni demands a lot of time from me and I need to do a lot. I set goals for myself for each day, but when I don't reach them I get upset and angry. It has become so stupid, that I even get myself angry over certain sounds that I hear when I haven't yet done the things I listed for myself to do for that day. Especially when it's people (talking, chewing, etc). Jfc I even get angry at the poor sun when it's shining right in my eye. I curse, shout and scream. Objects fly around the house. Afterwards I feel like a terrible human being and apologize to the sun. Heck, even solving this personal problem is like a competition. I need to get this over with soon. If I haven't solved it then I get angry at myself for not having solved it yet. I want to enjoy my life, I want to be relaxed about the fact that I sometimes have not finished my tasks. I don't want to spend everyday being upset and annoyed with myself. Unfortunately I can't force myself to be not angry. I am still the angry and impatient kid when it comes to achievements. Man, I am convinced that I'll get in the fifth circle of hell. I need to accept it. I know I need to set the bar lower, I need to lower the expectations of myself. I know I can't work at 130% every day. And I know I'll accept it when I'm done fighting it. Only nobody knows when I am done with fighting. Only time will tell. Time, my greatest enemy.
Hi, I may be able to share some advice I got from a counsellor a few months back. A little bit of context first. I was having a bit of a rough patch and was advised to get out an exercise more. I explained how it wasnt helping to play sports because i am incredibly competitive. Everytime i go out and run, i make a competition out of it. And more times than not, it ends with me feeling worse. The reason is I realise that I always imagined I would have been succesful in sports and when things dont go as good as I want I get more depressed and feel worse. Ok im going off point now. What the therapist told me, was to find a sport/hobby that competition is not involved or doesnt have to be involved. He suggested something like yoga. Pretty hard to make that competitive right :lol: Anyway, may not be much help. Let me know if you find anything else helpful for being too competitive in everything.
Hi Loppox: I have a few suggestions for you: 1. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) may help you. The issue of competitiveness for some people is not really about winning per se, but rather about the value they place on winning. So for instance, if someone thinks winning means "I will be accepted by other people", then losing probably feels unbearable, simply because it now means that person is "unacceptable", and thinking "I'm unacceptable to other people" starts a flood of emotions like loneliness, fear, and anger and causes a loss of self-esteem. CBT can help you examine your thoughts/beliefs around winning and other areas of your life and help you to "reframe" how you think about those things so that they are not so all-or-nothing. CBT is often taught in groups, so can be cheaper if you are paying for the sessions and the public library often has books or workbooks about the subject. 2. It might be worthwhile to see a counsellor as well (if you're not seeing one about CBT). Sometimes certain really strong beliefs that we hold come from our families or from events that have happened and they can almost be invisible to us until a supportive person can help us explore where they come from and help us examine them. This can loosen the hold they have on us and allow us to change behaviour more readily. I hope these things might be helpful to you. Good luck and keep writing if it's helpful. (*hug*) P.S. Yoga can be dangerously competitive!!!!
