I would really appreciate if you guys could read and tell me your personal insights on what you think and any tips on what you think I should do. Thank you, cuz this is going to be long! So me and this guy have been friends for four years, but we have gradually become best friends over the past year and we are now 11th grade in high school, and I consider him to be my closest friend. I have the biggest crush on him. I would say he is average looking, but he has an air of confidence that makes me so attracted to him. The real question is, I can't really tell if he is just being a playful friend with me or if he likes me and has a crush on me too because we seem to be really open with our feelings and stuff. I don't want to get my hopes up too high, but HE KEEPS ON DOING STUFF THAT MAKE ME FEEL THAT HE LIKES ME! Some of the things that he does (alot): 1. He touches me physically. Like, ALOT. every single day Like most of the time in these situation. He does all of these things publicly, in front of teachers and classmates: a. When we are walking together at school, he suddenly puts his arms around me (a lot of guys do this right, so I shouldnt think much of it...) b. He puts on a sad face when lunch is over when the bell rings, and he tells me to stay a few more minutes. When I leave anyways, he grabs my wrist and pulls me up close to him and then we laugh. c. We have playful arguments everyday, and everytime, he pretends to get mad when I disagree with him, and then he laughs playfully, says "I'm sorry, I love you" and then pulls me up close to him and then hugs me around the waist. And then I have to try so hard to not get a hard on but his hug just makes my legs weak and I have trouble standing. d. When I bother him when he is busy, he tells me to stop, and then he grabs my hand and he doesnt let go for over a minute. e. He always tries to sit on my lap while we arre just hanging out in class and doing our stuff on our phones. I have to scooch him forward or else Ill get a hard on :eusa_doh: f. At lunch he always surprises me from behind by yelling "boo" or giving me a big hug around the shoulder from behind. g. When talking in our group of friends (&&&) he always shows direct affection towards me. For example, he kisses the camera to blow me a kiss on front of our friends in group video chats and he says "I love you" almost every other day in group conversations directed at me, in front of everyone. The thing is, he has a lot of friends, but he only does these things with me. I can't tell if he does this playfully because I kinda started it by hugging him a lot cuz I do that with all of my friends, but that was only the beginning. Now, HE is always the one initiating it, and it is really confusing me cuz he doesnt do anything remotely close to any of this with his friends. Are there any tactics to find out if he likes me in a non-platonic way? Like anything sleezy I should try or a small passive move that may lead him on, anything like that? ?? Thank you! IM SO CONFUSED, and btw, no one knows that I am gay at school, and I dont know if he is gay or not.
I think that if he's gay and into you, by his behavior I assume he'll be the one to make the first move. You could try to reciprocate his affection to some extent, a bit of caressing here and there, intense stares every once in a while and creating more private environments for potential kisses :icon_wink Best of luck, I wish the two of you happiness, whether it is in a relationship context or not.
I kind of get the impression that he's asking himself the same thing, as if he's trying to figure out if you like him in that way too (hence maybe why he sits on your lap?). If you don't directly want to ask him about it, you could just play it out and see where it goes. But if he actually is interested in you and you do no effort to response to that in any way, he might lose interest and give up eventually.
Thanks andimon and HuskyLover, I do touch him a lot everyday to annoy him, but I really just want to touch him. And he hugs me a lot and holds my hand, I guess I could reciprocate. I feel like I'm being passive and acting like I'm not showing interest by not doing much. For example, whenever he holds my hand, I always pull away a bit cuz I start to shake and my hands get really sweaty. I guess I'm just scared that he is actually just trying to be really good friends with me and I'm just taking it as a sexual advance. I guess I could be the one to initiate the hugging. I just want him to make the fucking move and just pull me close and kiss me HAHAHAHAH. Thanks for your advices
Hey booyah, You said you've know him for 4 years, so you must know him pretty well. The way you describe the effect on you of being around him shows you definitely have a huge crush on him. Of course, I can understand that you are scared that if you open up to him, you might lose a really good friend. From the way that you describe your current relationship, that seems very unlikely to me, but I do know how much that must concern you, since you are the one that has a lot to lose if he gets pissed off and won't even be your friend anymore. I'd also remind you that if he did get pissed off and decide not to be your friend anymore, he's really not your friend now, so, in the longrun, it's no real loss to you - even though you would be devastated in the near-term. So, I have two thoughts about how to approach this. First, and most straightforward, would be to Come Out to him. IF you are ready and comfortable that he will support you and promise to keep your secret, that might be the best way to go. You will likely be able to judge from his reaction to that news whether or not he'll be receptive to you telling him that you are crushing big-time on him. Heck, if he's also gay or bi, he may jump on your Coming Out to Come Out in return and maybe even tell you that he's crushing on you (if he actually is). If it turns out that he's just a good friend, at least you will know that you don't have a chance with him romantically and can work to squelch that torch instead of continuing to build up a fantasy in your mind. Second, and a little more subtly would be to jump on the chance the next time he tells you that he loves you. Tell him something like "Yeah, you say that, but prove it." And see what he does. Just some thoughts.
omg quantumreality thats really logical thanks. I'm not really comfortable coming out because although we live in Los Angeles, it's not a very liberal school where you can do that unfortunately I guess I'll just be more bold, and say stuff like "Yeah, you say that, but prove it"
Cool, booyah, just keep in mind that even though WE are crushing on someone, they aren't necessarily feeling the same way, so try not to get TOO emotionally invested in him until you find out if he returns your feelings. From the way you describe it (and, remember, you are deep down in your crush, so your descriptions are naturally biased towards things that you take as positive indicators), he does, in fact, seem to be much more into you than most straight guys would be for another guy. Best of luck!
This is just an update of how things are going between us lol. So I took some of your advices and kinda strongly hinted at him. We have only been hanging out a few days a week for the past three weeks because we have finals before winter break and I had to study for my SATs. We had a group gathering (4 of us) at my house two weeks ago, with me, him, his brother (he is non-identical twin), and his bro's gf, and we are all in the same group of friends. We played some video games together, and throughout the games he put his head on my shoulder and I put my head on his head I don't know how, but we started making "mwah" kissing gestures at each other, and at one point, I was laying on the couch and he scooted up next to me, put his head on my chest, and said "Let's stay like this, I'm gonna rest." and he put his hand on my chest for a second <333333. And then I put my arm around his head, and we scrolled through facebook on my phone together like that. Today, we had an assembly at school, and I didn't get to sit with him cuz we have different classes, but afterwards, I caught up with him and we put our arms around each other, and he started to be annoying so I cupped my hands around his lips and lied on his shoulders while we were walking. DDDD We are not gonna hang out Christmas Eve (so no mistletoe or spontaneous weird kissing lol) but we are gonna hang out on/around New Year's Eve so I hope something can happen. This is all thanks to your advices and inputs. I'll keep you guys posted occasionally!!!!
