I’m sorry if this isn’t really the right place to put this, but I’ve been thinking of posting for a while. Every time I try and write something, I don’t really say it in the way I want to. I’m just feeling trapped right now and I don’t know what to do. Last spring, I lost my closest friend and almost the entire social circle I was in. They all became really close after that and I was left with another friend (lets call her Katie) and that was really it. I don’t talk to any of them anymore but I’m still at the same school and in the same classes and it really hurts seeing them have so much fun when we used to have a lot of issues. I know the logical thing is to move on, but I’m not sure I want to. To give a little background, I moved from HK three years ago and started school with everyone else. Me, Katie, and my other close friend (Abi) were in a small group for middle school and I didn’t really have any other close friends outside of school. Katie had friends in our year who were more popular and I don’t really trust, so I thought that if the group was going to break up, she would go with them and I would go with Abi and some people in my class that I had always talked to. I messed up and things ended badly so none of them really want to talk to me. I don’t feel like there is anyone else in the year that I trust, and it feels like all of my friends have been snatched from me and I don’t have a place I belong in that school anymore. There really isn’t anyone else I can go to that I trust, and I’m not a particularly social person. I pretty much lost all contact with my friends in HK, which was my fault, but the seem to have changed. I’ve been in love with Abi for a long time and I cant really see myself getting over that since I know I did something wrong to end it. Uh, sorry if that was long. I’m seeing a counselor, but she’s not really helping. I’m stressed about a lot as well, since I’ve always been behind with my homework and my friend Katie is also unhappy. We just feel like everyone expects us to be fine but we don’t want to get over it. And I can’t do anything to improve myself because I’m always so tired and I can’t trust myself to get anything done. Sorry this isn’t really clear, but I’m not sure what to do, it just feels like there isn’t a solution.
Sorry it took a while to get a response to this. You mention that you don't want to move on, but unfortunately I think that's going to be something you'll have to do sooner or later. You can stay focused on something that happened in the past if you want, but it will only continue to make you unhappy. On the other hand, you could look for new things and new ideas and maybe find some new experiences along the way. You and Katie are still friends - and while you mention she's having a tough time with it too, maybe it would help to be more active together. If you're both down, don't just hang out - go out to a movie, go out shopping (even if you don't buy anything), or find a local event or something else to visit. Also, you mention not trusting people (including yourself) a lot. What do you mean by this? Why don't you "trust" people, whatever that implies? This is something you could bring up with your counselor, maybe.
