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Friend crabby lately

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by PennyT, Dec 4, 2016.

  1. PennyT

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    I'm living with one of my close friends right now. However, she's been kind of crabby lately. I feel sort of criticized for all of my faults, even the ones that don't effect her - my running behind, procrastinating sleep, weird eating schedule, etc. When I help her, she doesn't say thanks as much, and when I apologize, she hardly ever says that it's fine, even for small things. Sometimes she admits to being grumpy and then just leaves the room to cool down, but only sometimes. She's normally a stressed person, and I know that she's under more stress now because of finals and some family things, but it's getting hard to live with her. I'm worried about her, of course, but she's made me cry a few times now, and it's only adding to my own finals and family stresses. I don't know what I should do. I don't want to increase her stress by confronting her or create an awkward living situation for us. Should I avoid her or something?
     
  2. wickedwitch

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    Hi PennyT:

    Sorry, I'm kinda late to this thread but thought I would post anyway.

    Some of the things that have helped me with roommates and other interpersonal situations are "setting boundaries", "communicating assertively" and "detaching from other people's behaviour". There's lots of info on these on the net and I encourage you to read about them and put what might be useful into practice.

    Once you've done that and if the situation is still ongoing, and perhaps if you are both past exam time you may wish to bring the subject up with her with a question like: Is something bothering you? or Do we need to talk? This opens the door for her to tell you if something is wrong and for you to listen.

    Listening may not be easy if she continues to criticize but then hopefully you can say your peace as well which might include something like: When you criticize me, I feel hurt. It's always good to use "I" statements and keep your comments in the realm of feelings, as it's impossible to argue with someone about how they feel.

    If emotions run high, hopefully you can agree to come back to the topic when you have both taken a break and cooled off.

    In my experience, avoiding things, in the long run, just divides people more and resentment generally festers under the surface until people don't want to be around each other. I think it's better to address it as best you can, keeping in mind that you are both fallible human beings.

    Good luck and keep writing if it's helpful.

    (*hug*)
     
  3. Anthemic

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    She actually sounds like my sister. Does it ever feel like she's being and overbearing "Mother Hen"?