Just Came Out to Mom? + Much More...

Hello! This post might be quite long, so I'm sorry about that *nervously sweats*. Also, this is my first time posting on this website (I literally created my account maybe an hour ago), so yeah... lol.

Well, I'd like to give some backstory before I tell my story, so here I go!

I'm a fifteen-year old female and currently idenfity as bisexual. I first came out as bisexual to my best friend when I was twelve, and came out to a few other friends when I was thirteen. Looking back on that, I realize it was probably a bad idea, as I was quite young, and my sexual orientation could easily change; in fact, it did change. For years, I questioned my sexuality (and, to be honest, I still am...), searching for any term that would describe me. I always knew I had an attraction to guys, but girls were a bit harder for me. I went from identifying as bisexual to straight to heteroflexible to pansexual and beyond. I have finally decided that bisexual, what I originally came out as, is probably the best term to describe how I feel. I've only ever had boyfriends in the past, but I also go to a private Christian school, and finding a date of the same sex there is very difficult. I, however, am currently pursuing a girl who I know I'm attracted to and I know is interested in me, so there is a very good chance I'll have a girlfriend very soon.

I am out to my friends and have recently contemplated coming out to my mom, who I have grown closer to in the past couple of years. I know that I am young and that there is a very good chance that my sexuality will change soon, but I wanted to come out to her, because keeping my sexuality a secret seems like a weight on my chest that I just want to tug off. I've kept a lot of secrets, and I just want to be open about something for once. Also, if I end up dating this girl, I don't want to keep it a secret from my parents. They're both homophobic, my dad aggressively so, but my mom is much more open-minded and accepting about things like that and I know I'd be in no danger if I told her, so I figured she'd be a better option to come out to. For the past few months, I've been hinting about my sexuality to the two of them, specifically her, in the hopes that perhaps they'd catch on and I didn't have to come out, or that they'd at least become more open to the possibility of their daughter being bisexual. Yesterday, my mom sat me down and had a talk with me about homosexuality and told me how she thought I was too young to determine what my sexuality was, which I partially agree with, especially in my situation. Today, I finally made a bigger move, literally stepping into a closet and tumbling out, telling her I'd just come out of the closet. She then proceeded to tell me that we had agreed that I was too young to decide this for myself and that I was just confused and being annoying. Once again, I know my sexuality isn't set in stone, but I'd rather she didn't just dismiss what I had to say. I also know she thinks I'm a lesbian, not bisexual.

The entire reason I came out in such an awkward and passive aggressive way is because I was too nervous to sit my mom down and actually explain to her how I felt. So I guess I'm asking for advice for how to muster up my courage and tell her I think I'm bisexual and not a lesbian and fully explain my feelings, which is something I've had the most trouble with telling her for the past while. I'm constantly almost coming out and completely backing down, doing things like saying I want to tell her something important, and then just saying something entirely stupid or ridiculous instead. So I guess I need tips for that, especilly in a situation where I don't really know for sure... lol.

I guess the other reason I'm posting this is just because I want to get this all off my chest. It's really hard, and I feel like I'm going through it alone. Though I have close friends I can talk to about it, both LGBT and not, I feel like I'm just burdening them whenever I talk about it, and that they don't want to hear about every step of my coming out process. I guess I just need someone to talk to; a few words of support, as it were, as I'm going through this, because I honestly feel like on a forum is the only place I can really let it all out. (I've also been a stalker on this website for a while, and it seems like a wonderful place to get support and advice. )

Thank you so much for reading, and I look forward to any and all replies my little rant will get. Bye now! :smilewave

 

Thank you so much for your kind words, Leah!

 

Thanks, wonderingabout. That's a good idea. I'll try that.