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anyone in similar situations, looking to hear your stories

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by oboiaus, Dec 17, 2016.

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  1. oboiaus

    oboiaus
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    first of all I think it's great to have a safe online forum where people are not forced to come out
    I am in my early 30's living in Australia. I am of Asian background in the medical profession. I am also a Christian.
    Because of these multiple factors in my life, I am unable to come out to anyone except an online friend.
    I never go to pubs or clubs to meet people including friends. I never post online dating profiles. Besides I am under the impression that Asians are not regarded as very sought after in online dating world.
    I find it is very difficult to meet someone just through chance encounters who I can trust and could lead to further conversations and eventually a relationship.
    Although I am a firm believer in fate, sometimes I also feel whether it is necessary to take the initiatives so can get to meet people.
    I love reading those literary works where the heroes have experienced significant injustices or misfortunes in life but eventually conquered all but it seems that doesn't happen often in reality.
    I don't know if anyone is in a similar situation as myself, and I would really look forward to hearing your stories and experiences. Cheers!
     
    #1 oboiaus, Dec 17, 2016
  2. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    Do you think you can explain why you believe this to be the case? What are the specific reasons for saying you are unable to come out -- due to these factors?
     
    #2 PatrickUK, Dec 17, 2016
  3. lonewolf79

    lonewolf79
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    Hi there...

    EC is a great place to talk to people and make online friends. I also don't go to clubs and bars etc and I have little to no contact with other LGBT people in real life. I am only on here and one other social media place. I did come out but it's still not easy... I hope you will feel better on here and enjoy the site. There are some great people here.
    :slight_smile:
     
    #3 lonewolf79, Dec 17, 2016
  4. oboiaus

    oboiaus
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    Hi Lonewolf79
    Thanks for your reply on my post.
    I thought I'd say hi.
    You seem very understanding in your words. For me, I have the idea that if I meet the right person I'd come out for him and for us.
    I really don't think men one meets at pubs or bars are what I would be looking for, true love to hopefully continue a friendship and relationship with. I'm not outwardly attractive but I think one needs to really get to know me. I find even that initial step of meeting people is very difficult being in the closet. .
    May I ask does your name lone wolf implies being single and possibly staying that way? Part of me has psychologically tried to prepare myself for a life of solitude but a part of me still longs for that seredipidity of fate meeting the love of
    By the way my name is Ol. Nice meeting you.
     
    #4 oboiaus, Dec 17, 2016
  5. lonewolf79

    lonewolf79
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    Hi Ol. Nice to meet you too.

    Firstly, coming out is a very personal journey and should never be forced. You should only do it when and if you feel totally ready. I am sure that the partner you are with will support you and that decision.
    We're alike in that I do not go to clubs. But there are guys who have had success meeting friends and partners that way. It works for some... not for all, in my opinion. I just prefer the quieter side to life and being at home or with friends and enjoying classical music as opposed to loud techno sounds :slight_smile:
    I lived in Korea for almost 7 years and I could see that is is hard for Asian gay people to be fully comfortable and be out. My ex had 2 groups of friends.. one for his gay friends and one for straight friends. Even though I am out, I am a very private person but I could see how hard it was for guy in Korea to be more open.

    At the moment LoneWolf does mean I am single and planning to remain that way. I have no real life gay friends in my own city and I stay away from the LGBT community simply because I do not feel comfortable and I know I will be judged as I am a heavier guy and not all that attractive. If things change, then LoneWolf will just be a reminder of me over-coming my battles and finding happiness and love... who knows??? LOL

    I am glad you are on EC. The closet can sometimes get lonely but on here, it's a great place to be yourself and meet some awesome people.
     
    #5 lonewolf79, Dec 18, 2016
  6. oboiaus

    oboiaus
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    Hi Lonewolf
    It's nice to know there are still men with substance out there :slight_smile: often people judge others by their exterior covers before even trying to reveal what depth is truly hidden inside. I agree. I also don't feel comfortable to be known to LGBT community. What's between two people only matters to them.
    Anyway. You must have a good understanding of Asian culture and people then. What classical music do you like? I'm also a big fan. I can't stand loud, heavy metal/ bass music.
    Cheers
     
    #6 oboiaus, Dec 18, 2016
  7. lonewolf79

    lonewolf79
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    Hi there...

    Yes, it is nice to know. I wish I knew some in real life. Sadly I don't ... but being on EC has helped.
    People in my city can be very judgmental ...gay guys here want perfect bodies for the beautiful beaches... and I do not have that at all. I enjoy being by myself most of the time so it's OK. Let them have the beach... I have books and music :slight_smile:

    Life in Korea was nice. I met some great people from different countries. It took time to get used to living there but I managed. I can't say my relationship was good. It was a lesson nonetheless.

    For classical music I love classical guitar. I am learning to play. I also play the flute and the violin. I enjoy symphonic works and also solo/concerto pieces. I started flute when I was 12 and violin at 14. Guitar I started in Korea when I was 35, lol. I love the Baroque and Classical period of music.

    What classical music do you like?
     
    #7 lonewolf79, Dec 19, 2016
  8. oboiaus

    oboiaus
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    I'll post reply on your wall.
     
    #8 oboiaus, Dec 19, 2016
  9. lonewolf79

    lonewolf79
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    Thanks yes I saw them.

    I love the Arlessienne suite. I played some in high school on flute.

    While I was at university I had the chance to play violin in the university's symphony orchestra. That was an amazing time. 5 years (I played even after I graduated). So much music and concerts.
     
    #9 lonewolf79, Dec 19, 2016
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