hey guys, I am a bit scared and I wanted to get your thought on this...I am going to a therapist and although I feel like she is helping me in many ways to approach things differently I feel like she never gives me a clear sign of what it is exactly I have... we talk and she mentions sometimes "feeling anxious" "feeling depressed" but she has never given me a diagnose...what made me feel a bit scared is that she mentioned last time that she feels I lack identity and that I have never really had an identity... I have been googlying and reading into this (dangerous I know) and all that comes up is borderline personality disorder which I pretty much tick all boxes. I am not sure if that is what I have but I am seeing that this is something that cant be cured and its scaring me out a lot...my questions is, if she thought I had this would she tell me? I would have though so no? any thoughts would really help as now I feel im in deeper shit than just issues with my sexual orientation...
Maybe your therapist isn't the best match for you if you aren't getting anywhere with her. It's important to not self diagnose, but you could probably still get a second opinion.
Therapists are pretty reluctant to diagnose BPD because it's a stigmatizing diagnosis. So they are more likely to try and identify other possibilities and rule them out before settling on BPD. It does not sound to me like your therapist isn't doing a good job; a good therapist won't rush to a diagnosis, particularly one as serious as that. So likely she is simply being cautious. I would suggest directly sharing your concerns, and the possibility of borderline. She should be frank with you. Keep in mind there are a number of disorders on that spectrum that share a lot of symptoms with borderline, and BPD is a relatively rare diagnosis, so it's also quite common you have something less severe. But even with BPD, there are now some excellent treatments, especially DBT, that have a very effective response with it.
I have a therapist and she's super cool. She's like my favorite person lol. I sent her an email one time telling her that I think I have BPD because I was too afraid to do it in person and we talked about it. She said I have Borderline like symptoms but she wasn't going to diagnose me because I'm relatively young. I'm 17 now but was 16 at the time. Now, I'm pretty sure she's ready to diagnose me but doesn't want to tell me because I was hospitalized for having one of my depressing episodes and was doing self destructive stuff and had suicidal thoughts. I had gotten drunk and had a few aspirin pills. I smashed them and started sniffing them too. Some of my symptoms are: I either love or hate people. It's so confusing. Sometimes I hate my parents and sometimes I love them and act out because of it. Same goes for friends. I had a crush on this girl for the longest and she didn't like me in that way and let me down easy. There would be times where I genuinely cared about her and would've fought someone for her, but then there were times where I hated her guts and wanted to fight her because I felt she did everything to upset me. She looked super happy and I thought she was just trying to show me she doesn't need me. Also, I'm impulsive as crap. I fight my younger brother sometimes for stuff I should let go. I've thrown stuff in the house because I thought my parents didn't love me. I would say stuff I didn't mean. I have highs and lows. Sometimes I'm extremely optimistic and can't wait to go to college and be super wealthy and happy with my family. Other times, I'm hopeless and don't want to go to college and feel as if I'll be a loser for the rest of my life. These thoughts cause suicidal tendencies. I threaten my mom with suicide when I don't get the attention I need. I've lied to my therapist about me and my dad's relationship still being bad because I feel if I tell her it's gotten better, she'll leave me or will feel I don't need her anymore. I was hurt when my Appt with her was canceled by mom and someone else took my spot. I thought she didn't care. Anyways, yeah. I think I have BPD. I'm on medication and was against it at first but after talking to my therapist, I will continue taking it. It doesn't cure BPD, it just manages the symptoms. Im not impulsive anymore. I actually think before I do anything harmful. My moods are more even. I don't have highs or lows. Just in betweens to where I don't get excited to the pount that I miss sleep and I don't get depressed to the point where I want to die. My therapist gave the analogy of people who take medicine for diabetes and high blood pressure and people who take it for mental health. It's really no difference. You can't change either one. That's the way your body is set up. You can manage all of them with medication though. It doesn't make you weird or anything. All in all, this is just my experience. Maybe someone can relate. Maybe not. It felt good getting this out though.
