So about a month ago my boyfriend stopped talking to me which was around a week after our relationship ended. The main reason why it ended was because I wasn't able to fully come out of the closet and that he didn't want to be in a relationship and hide the fact that we were together (which I completely understand). I've wanted to come out in general because I hate hiding the fact that I'm gay but I definitely would want to come out fully if that means he can give it another shot with me. But the real question is should I just forget about him and move on and come out later or should i go through with coming out and see if he would want to give it another shot? (I'm shit at explaining things so feel free to ask me to elaborate on anything)
Are you ready to come out? Would you still want to come out even if you knew you wouldn't be able to get back together? Whether you want to come out is entirely up to you and your situation. If you're ready and in a place where you can come out now, that's awesome. If you're not, that's okay too. Don't feel pressured to come out because you might be able to get a second chance with someone, especially if there are other reasons you broke up and you've lost contact with him.
What Aspen said. My first relationship with a woman, we were both in the closet when we met. I ended up coming out, but she didn't and I never pressured her into it because I knew her home situation would not be good. I understand there are things people want out of a relationship that heterosexual couples get the luxury of: to be open in public, meeting the family, etc... However, if you are not in a position financially, emotionally--whatever--to come out, I wouldn't do it. For me and my ex, we would constantly talk about her situation. She too wanted to come out, but knew it was impossible. I told her if she couldn't take the lies anymore and wanted to come out, that she would always have a place to stay with me if it was bad, but it was always on her own terms and not mine. I understood that she was emotionally and financially dependent on her family--how could I say I loved and cared about someone and then force them to do something they weren't comfortable with, or threaten to leave if they didn't do it? That's selfish, because there are reasons why people remain in the closet. Hell, I'd probably still be in the closet if I didn't have my own place. Anyway, the bottom line: if that was a deal breaker for him, and he wasn't understanding of why you are still in the closet--I don't know. It's definitely a gamble.
Being in the closet is definitely a deal breaker for me, but I also understand the dangers of coming out. Generally speaking though, my opinion is that you should come out before you attempt to date. If you can't come out, you should get used to the single life a little until it becomes safe. Being closeted cannot protect you from harm, the relationship can be "caught" and then your partner can face the consequences as well. So really it depends on the situation. Is it safe to be out? If not, just try to get used to being single for a while until you can support yourself. Never come out in hopes of getting someone back together if there are consequences.
