I was at Safeway a couple days ago with my mom and I saw a boy I knew from school. I told my mom he was there and when she looked she said, "Oh the girl?". The first time I was okay with it. After all, I was confused by him at first too. I said, "Sure but his name is Mark". Then we argued about whether or not he was a boy and I was so confused as to why she wouldn't call him a boy. Just today we watched The OA which has a trans boy in it. At first she thought he was just a cis guy and called him a he but after she found out he was trans she starting calling him a girl-boy. I'm not trans myself but it really annoyed me. I've told my mom twice this year that I'm gay and she always dismisses it saying that I just want to be cool and I'm gullible (which is actually kinda true I am gullible). I guess what I'm asking is 1. Why is it so hard to call someone by what they want to be called and 2. Is this considered to be transphobic/homophobic? I want to say my mom's pretty open-minded but this really bothered me.
I would say given that it is an older adult we are talking about, it's probably ignorance rather than transphobic. It doesn't really sound like it was ill-willed, which is why I say that. I know older people that would say girl if they found out it was a transgendered male just because they grew up in a different/ more conservative time where transgendered people and the correct pronouns to use were not as known. Really explain to her about why it is important and respectful to refer to them in the way that they want to be identified as.
I agree with gypsylife. Your mother was possibly saying those things out of ignorance rather than transphobia, regardless of whether or not it was offensive. A remark or mindset crosses the line from ignorant to transphobic/homophobic when the person actively rejects or refuses to acknowledge the LGBT community.
I would say it is transphobic due to a lack of being informed / educated. Your mum probably hasn't been made aware of GID and what's respectful and what's not respectful towards the trans community. It would be good to maybe give her a website page or something talking about trans stuff appropriately for her to read? I know my mum once asked about my friend "Wait, so he was born a girl?" and I had to say "MUM, he is a he, that's all that matters and anything else is not your business" lol
Seems mostly due to ignorance rather than hate. My Mom used to do that too and stopped after getting educated
