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Wedding attire stress

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by holidayvibes, Dec 26, 2016.

  1. holidayvibes

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    Okay, My uncle is having a wedding soon and I am not out. I don't want to wear a dress, but if I don't, what I pick out wouldn't be formal enough possibly. I was thinking of something like these:

    So I'm not sure if it's formal enough, and how would I get my mom to let me wear it if it is?
     

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  2. Quantumreality

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    Hey holidayvibes,

    I've just got two comments. First, is that the outfits you pictured should be fine. They are certainly formal enough for a wedding.

    The second comment I would make is that the wedding belongs to your uncle and his spouse. Do you feel that wearing any of the outfits that you pictured would potentially take any of the focus of the wedding away from them and put it on you? Could you perhaps wear a more feminine pant-suit (instead of a dress, of course), but which would not draw undo attention to yourself and away from the wedding party?

    Just some thoughts.:slight_smile:
     
  3. Really

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    I think those outfits pictured are very cool!

    Would you have to buy something new for the wedding? Maybe you could sell something like this to your mom by explaining you'd wear these clothes again but you'd never wear the dress again so it would be a waste of money.

    Does she know you don't like dresses? Would she rather you sat there miserably or were comfortable and cheery?

    And besides, as quantumreality says, this is the couple's day. Nobody is going to be looking at you. :wink:
     
  4. Lazuri

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    I'll just echo what others have said in that it's the couple's day; if you dressing the way you want would in any way deteriorate this day for them, you have to swallow your dysphoria and go with it. Yeah, it sucks, but there's situations where it's really not about you and weddings is in the top of that list.
     
  5. Really

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    Just to clarify, I didn't say OP should "swallow" their dysphoria, I said the chosen outfit was perfectly fine and hopefully their mother can come around to the same idea.
     
  6. Lazuri

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    I wasn't referring to anybody's post in specific, nor am I'm trying to accuse OP of making this about them--it's just something a trans person might have to do. I had to do it at one point, even if the couple would've been totally fine with me expressing my gender identity, I chose not to because I wasn't really out and I knew it would steal a lot of attention from the bride and groom, which was the last thing I wanted to do.

    Then again, a "girl" in boyish clothes is not quite as attention grabbing as what many would see as a dude in drag, so it might not be as serious.

    Personally, I think the attire is just fine and if I ever saw a woman wearing it, I wouldn't immediately assume they were actually a trans man. We trans people have a tendency to blow these kind of things out of proportions, imagining that everybody will (or are) looking at us for something that we see as a big thing--such as attire or short hair for a female and vice versa--but in actuality, what people do at most is glance at you, shrug and then go about their business. Especially when we're still on the down low, not being out and trying to subtly express our identity.

    What I wanted to say--and made a fairly poor attempt at doing so--is that you should try wearing what you want to, but feel the situation out and remember that if you have to choose, the bride and groom comes first ALWAYS.
     
  7. holidayvibes

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    First comment, okay! Thank you!
    Second comment, you're right, it wouldn't.

    ---------- Post added 26th Dec 2016 at 08:59 PM ----------

    Thank you!
    Yes, she does, and you're completely right. I get overly stressed about small things and forget about the important things without realizing it :eusa_doh:

    ---------- Post added 26th Dec 2016 at 09:03 PM ----------


    Thank you for reminding me :slight_smile:
    I always get caught up in little stuff. Not gonna lie, it annoys everyone else too :grin::icon_redf