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Depression and anxiety with no support system

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by BBRudegyal, Dec 28, 2016.

  1. BBRudegyal

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    So I have depression and anxiety. I am in my early 20's and I am completely alone. My mother died when I was 11 from lupus and ever since then I have pretty much been cast aside and treated like trash. Now that I'm older and on my own I find it hard to cope still. I have recently been reaching put to people for help but all i have been met with is people being too busy for me, telling me i need therapy (I know and I do go but therapy alone cannot help you need support systems outside of that), saying I need to just focus on one thing, etc. All my life i have been alone while surrounded by others. After my mother died i went to live with my father and his new wife (she hated me because I was the love child and also she was pure evil) and my father did nothing good for me. He abused me, never helped me grieve through my mother's death, he laughed at me, never sent me to talk to someone about it, he made me prisoner in the house, beat me when I was acting out in school which was a cry for help after my mother died, made me do all of the house work, I was not able to laugh or smile, he constantly accused me of bring into boys when i was just a kid which made me hate my body(I didnt like boys!), everything I did was wrong, and me existing always made him upset. I was a visibly depressed child and no one cared. even when my mother was in the hospital for 9 months before she died he only took me twice because he said me crying was annoying and he didn't feel like it. I was teased and bullied as a kid but I did stand up for myself to to kids at school(i'm tall so they eventually backed off). I just wasn't able to stand up to my father until I was 13 and I fought back so he kicked me out at 13. After that I was placed all over at different homes where no one cared about me and I seemed to be in everyones way just by being alive. I thought that when I got older I would live on my own and everything would be fine. I was wrong. I never learned how to build real relationships (friendships, romantic relationships, all relationships), I never had a healthy coping mechanism, I've never had people who cared enough to ask me if I was ok. I can't finish anything I start. I feel like no matter how happy I am the sadness and emptiness is always stronger and comes back. I haven't had a hug in over two months and even the last hug was just a light conservative hug to someone I barely knew. I have been at home for 4 months since i lost my job. I leave the house for less than an hour a week these days. i am afraid because i am running out of money and I need to get back to work soon. I may end up homeless if i don't get a new job and since i have no one who cares about me i will definitely have no place to go. My depression and anxiety has now condemned me to my house making me so afraid to leave because no one cares about me out there. I don't feel confident enough to go into and interview to pretend that i'm happy. I don't think i can get through an interview without crying. Since losing my job I feel extra useless and without purpose. if I had friends, family, a support system then i wouldn't be in the house for 4 months alone. people would come check on me and if they care they would drag me out of the house and help me get back up again. Everyone is too busy for me. I don't know how to do this on my own. I Have been reaching out but no one cares. Everyone just wants me to stop posting on the internet about wanting to die because it makes them feel bad. They said its "triggering". They are ok with me having these feelings they just dont want to know. Basically they say if im going to kill myself just go without warning lol. Now that i stopped posting my feelings on fb everyone seems to be ok with that. As long as they don't see it then it doesn't exist. I'm so sad that I am so alone in life that what people on fb say matter to me. It shouldn't because it really doesn't it. Its just hard to be alive and not belong to anyone or anywhere. I spend all holidays alone. i spent thanksgiving, christmas, my birthday and will spend new years alone. I don't know what the big deal is if i die. why do people always encourage others to stay alive but don't want to help them to stay alive. like ok don't kill yourself thats cowardly but also when your feeling the feelings that make you feel like you want to die don't call me and tell me about because i am too busy for you. I spend most of my days in my room alone in the dark.

    i dont know what was the purpose of this post. I am just tired and I really am ready to die
     
  2. B a r e f o o t

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    Depression isn't always a mental issue; sometimes it's a medical one. In some cases, mine for example, meds are the only thing that can help me. If that's your case, you can do talk therapy and change your circumstances and environment until the cows come home (or die, whichever comes first) and nothing will change. I suggest seeing a medical doctor first, then he may refer you to a psychologist or counselor. Professionals are the most effective, provided you get a good one. Not all of them are, so if it's not working, find another. Same with meds. The first one I tried did nothing but the next one changed my life. And the new meds aren't like the old ones; they don't have to turn you into a zombie or alter your consciousness. I don't feel any effects except normal. I wish you well.
     
  3. BBRudegyal

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  4. musicenthusiast

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    You could also try exercising every day, if you don't already. Just a short walk can be really beneficial. Try to get out of the house and just listen to and watch nature. I know this isn't easy though. Also, have you tried writing in a journal? Writing down your thoughts can really help. I hope you start feeling better soon :slight_smile:
     
  5. starfish

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    (*hug*)

    I was diagnosed as bipolar a little over a year ago, and my support system is not the greatest either. I understand what it is like to need to talk to someone. I'm on medication and helps, but I have good days and bad days.

    I don't check in here very often, but if you would like to talk send me a private message. The system will send me an email and I'll know to check in.

    I do second the above recommendation of getting out the house and going for a walk. One of the things I have to do is get out my own head, and to do that I'll go for a walk or for a drive.
     
  6. bunnydee

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    Hi BBRudegyal :slight_smile:

    I am so glad you posted here. First and most important here is some info when you are thinking about suicide:
    FREE SUPPORT AT YOUR FINGERTIPS, 24/7
    Crisis Text Line serves anyone, in any type of crisis, providing access to free, 24/7 support and information via the medium people already use and trust: text. Here’s how it works:
    1. Text START to 741741 from anywhere in the USA, anytime, about any type of crisis.
    2. A live, trained Crisis Counselor receives the text and responds quickly.
    3. The volunteer Crisis Counselor will help you move from a hot moment to a cool moment

    Next about your situation:
    I am so sorry you are going through this and with everything you have gone through it is no wonder you are depressed. Dealing with a mom who had Lupus is turmoil in itself - I know I am a mom who has Lupus, and has suffered from severe depression. Then losing your mom at such a young age and how your father treated you. My heart aches for you.

    Blootsvoets is right about getting to see a doctor or go to a clinic or even check in to a mental health facility to get on anti-depressants. That would be my first start. They do help, but know it could take a week or two before they kick in after starting.

    musicenthusiast also gave you a great idea about just getting out and walking every day. It is amazing how much benefit you can get just from walking - physically but also emotionally. You may have to force yourself at first, but do it even if it to the mailbox and back the first day. Build up to walking more and more.

    For the job and home situation - you could go talk to a victim's counselor usually through your local dfac office. But you can always call the mainline of the police dept to get their info. Or a local church ministry for victims of abuse. I know you said you left when 13 and then moved from home to home. These places have resources that can assist you with home and jobs. Also if you have a Goodwill store near you, you can call or talk to them about their career center. They specialize in helping those without work to get work quickly especially women, disabled and those with special circumstances.

    All is not lost, and we are here for you whenever you need to talk. Some people irl can often be idiots and say things without thinking. It's not that they don't want to help, they just become so involved in what they are doing at that moment or what is going on in their life, they half listen and respond without taking it all in. Not every one is like that though.

    I have other resources I can get for you if you want to message me - but really your local dfac will help with food, and the victims counselors, Goodwill can help with jobs, but first and foremost I think you really need to see a physician or mental health counselor to start. It will get better if you can just keep your head up and try to keep a positive attitude not about the now but about it getting better. Take it 10 secs at a time if you have to.
     
  7. Duane

    Duane Guest

    I very likely have bipolar, runs in the family. Have been diagnosed with ptsd, depression, anxiety and adhd. Anyways, in my experience there are more than one solution to take to start the healing process. I have never had much of a support system in my life either. I joined a very liberal kind of church, even if you only have someone who seems to care for an hour or so, it can make you feel a little better. Also a therapist who is there to listen mostly, and who seems not to be judgy has helped me. And lastly, medication, if they decide your having a chemical imbalance, which the only way to help that is basically medication. Oh and meditation has helped me too. I'm currently on wellbutrin, which I think is making me have a bit of a manic episodes, have not been sleeping much lately. But the manic thing doesn't happen to everyone. What I do is I go online and research medications, like for depression and then pick out ones that sound like they will help, with side effects you feel you can live with, then bring them up when your in talking to the psychiatrist, or whoever you see that is the drug perscriber. I went with wellbutrin cause it can help with weight loss, I'm trying to lose my feminine hips and butt. And it has less likelihood of sexual side effects.