Need some honest adivce, I'm totally confused :(

Hi all I'm a new member on the site but I have read stories on this site for a while now. I know everyone on here is really kind and helpful hence why I set up and account. So my problem is, I'm at college and all was going fine, another year of hard work and sports. Then I met this guy, who is your typical "macho" jocky type. We are polar opposites but for some reason we just clicked and after a month of meeting each other at hockey we are basically besties. Something I think that is amazing yet so odd, purely because I've never clicked with someone this quickly before (something he acknowledges as well). Anyway I've always had an open mind to whom i'm attracted to but I never thought much of him but a friend and I even encouraged him to go for this girl he liked.

Our friendship has honestly been going from strength to strength, with both of us admitting with love each other (in a platonic sense). I don't know if it's because I haven't had a group of guys round me growing up (separate issue) but I've always felt this need for male bonding. Not in a sexual way what so ever just emotionally. This is where it get's a little odd because I kinda have a crush on him but I don't. Emotionally we are bounded for life hahah, I think he loves the fact I'm so open minded and loving towards everyone and the fact I always have a positive outlook on things. We are defo in bromance mode, like major. He says the friendship with me is better than all his other friendship's and we have been at college for a year and a half.

He is very touchy and protective over me and always tells me how much he loves etc. When he is drunk he literally tells me how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and have my babies (I know he is drunk when he says this haah). Also when we had an argument over him ditching me for a bootie call on my bday I told him he was a dick, he got every emotional and he said me getting angry with him, was killing him, just like the arguments he had with his ex girlfriend. Also when drunk he has said I miss get a heap of girls because of the way I look haha and he likes to squeeze my muscles when he see's me sober. I've caught him making eye contact across the room from me, he smiles and laughs at everything I do. He always wants to make me laugh and he loves hugging me for an age and telling me how happy I make him etc etc. Sorry I haven't written this coherently haha.

What I want to know is, what do I do? Are these signs he is giving me/ an intense bromance? I think the reason why I'm so overwhelmed Is because I haven't felt like this about another person in 5 years so it's kinda a big thing for me. I know he defines himself as straight but has happily told me I would spend my life with you if I could and the fact we haven't known each other for more than 2 months makes me think this is only going to get more intense.

I've weighed up in my head would I be with him, if later down the line he realises something is between us and tbh I don't know what I would do. I love our friendship and don't want to ruin what we have and my feelings are more like emotionally charged than physical of that makes sense? Like if he got a girlfriend I would be happy for him etc, but when he had that hookup I hated not knowing what he is doing and when he normally responds instantly to my messages but when he doesn't I'm checking when he was last active etc.. I'm a rational person and I want the best for him, so when I get jealous i'm kind of disappointed in myself. Another point to make is that he was devastated when his girlfriend left him and I had to remind him of the positives. You are intelligent, you have your health and people that love and support you etc and he was like I know i'm going to be fine because I have you

I tried to give myself space, so when I came home from college I didn't respond to his messages for 3 days. But he wouldn't stop messaging me, saying stuff like I miss you, hope you got home okay etc. This period did help as I stopped myself from hardcore crushing hahah

So sorry again for my errors and my long paragraphs haha but what do you think I should do? Our friendship is getting more intense as we speak and how do I get myself piece of mind?? :lol:

 

Thanks guys for the response, much appreciated . Erm I think I more concerned with where things could head. We are both emotionally very attached to one another and I know it's gonna get more intense. He wants to my coursemates and come visit me during our breaks etc and I'm aware that love can transcend all the rules and i'm just concerned about what would happen if I was to like him/if we both like each other. I think it's just the emotional intensity of a friendship of less than two months and we see each other maybe twice a week and I'm closer to him than people i met day 1.

I just don't label myself purely because I don't feel the need to. My sexuality doesn't fit to any label 100% . I don't think he would mind about my sexuality purely because we are both so different. I mean we have similar music tastes and we are both not effeminate in anyway, other than that we are so dissimilar it's funny haha. In terms of him showing interests in guys, like i said he is very touchy, very protective over me. Always wants to make me laugh, i catch him making eye contact across the room at me. He has told me he would happily send his life with me etc. One of my friends did say he is acting a little gay with you and he didn't say anything and went quiet so i busted out a joke to diffuse the silence hahah.

Sorry a ramble on too much ahah, so i'm just worried about where things could go because i feel like we could both fall in love with each other. I mean he has spoken about girls he are hot and I've agreed with him on it haha but since our friendship has grown he hasn't mentioned any other people.

---------- Post added 29th Dec 2016 at 04:55 PM ----------

Sorry for the mistakes, I'm typing too quickly haha

 

Thanks Quantumreality,

If there were signs of interest what would you say they would be? Sometimes there is sexual interest but it is mainly emotional. There are honestly no obvious signs from either of us that could suggest we like each other more than friends? I mean he sometimes gets nervous round me and is always trying to improve his hockey game so he can get onto the team and spend more time with me? Like I said I think I am just concerned with where the friendship could head and he is starting to distract me. So I think i'm going to give myself some space so I can just cool off

---------- Post added 30th Dec 2016 at 02:23 AM ----------

The thing I don't understand is why I'm being so possessive normally I'm totally fine hahah. Also we don't actually know each other that well. like I said we have known each other for two months, with us seeing each other for maybe twice a week for an hour at hockey, then occasionally on campus

 

thanks Quantumreality you are actually so helpful (Btw I hope you had a good Christmas )

In terms of his interest, he does feel my arms when he can and he'll be like "ooo have you been working out?" (i'm like a stick insect, so we both know then answer to that hahah) He did at one point put his hands up in the air when he was sat down and it looked like we was waiting for me to put his hands into his, if that makes sense?

Um I am kinda on the fence because I'm like, would it be nice if it happened? Of course it would, I mean you can't go wrong with being someone you care about. On the other hand I'm like, I want to be apart of your life forever so a deep friendship is always really nice to have. I think you are totally right with the whole i'm scared of losing him thing. I don't normally emotionally connect with people as deeply as I have with him. Due to like my dad leaving me at a young age and my Step dad being emotionally and sometimes physically abusive to me. On top of the usual learning experiences of friends and what not letting you down

It's odd though because you know when you can kinda feel/tell someone could fall for you? That's kinda how I feel. He admires me a lot, he tries to do things for my approval and maybe in time that could develop into something more. Even when we first met, our mutual friend was telling me, he thinks I'm really cool etc etc and I had met him like twice and had barely spoken to him hahaha. I think that's why I think time will give me a bit more clarity in terms of where we stand

I honestly need an emotional break purely because I don't like being this possessive over people and always thinking what is he doing?? I have exams to focus on in the new year so I want to focus on those things first and try and enjoy the holidays with my loved ones

---------- Post added 30th Dec 2016 at 08:01 AM ----------

I haven't really thought about having a relationship at college purely because I want to focus on my course, have a good set of friends and experience as much as I can whilst I'm there. Sadly though you can't control your emotions as a human being hahaha

 

Thanks again Quantumreality- I'm glad the holidays have been kind to you

I think the deeper issues are me being scared to commit to a person. I am normally the rational one, people come to for advice and well love isn't rational what so ever hahah. The fear of being burnt obviously weighs heavily on my mind as well but I know that this is inevitable when it comes to relationships in any form. I think also when it comes to my friend, I think we both are holding onto one another because we have both had that moment of omg where have you been all my life after such a short period of time and I don't want to lose him

Have I had sexual thoughts about him? I have if I'm honest but I think that has derived from such a strong bond we have. The emotional side is so weird though, because if he got with someone else I would still be happy because I would still have him in some form, which is odd because he would be closer with someone else than me????

I mean i haven't actually crushed on anyone at college like this, he is my first. Like i said we just clicked haha. In terms of more evidence on his part he gets very jealous as well, when his housemate (who is a guy) said I'm getting married to him etc etc (as a jk) he got very defensive. Okay my friend was drunk hence why his reaction was probably exaggerated haha. Also when I mention doing things with other friends (when he is sober) he kinda goes quiet and zones out, especially when people come up to me and talk to me. He isn't really that feely with other guys i have seen him with but tbh i haven't met all his friends. Like i said about two weeks into us being friends and he blew me off on my bday, i called him out on being a shit friend and what not. He later then said that arguing with me then was as painful as arguing with his ex who he had been with for years. I also told him when i was coming home i wanted a break from people and i might not be responsive until we go back to college and he had said that would of killed him and he would of got me to talk to him before January.

I would say as well we found out we are going on the same field course as well this year and he was like I'm so happy you will be with me. He is also going to Europe for a bit with his course and he really wants me to go with him earlier??? He also said he can't imagine not talking to me everyday ahah. it just confuses me because I'm like we are this close and he probably can't even remember my mum's name (hence why I'm like how close are we gonna be once the year goes on and we actually know each other).

Thanks man, wishing you too a Happy New Year for you and your loved ones

 

Thanks again Quantumreality- I'm glad the holidays have been kind to you

I think the deeper issues are me being scared to commit to a person. I am normally the rational one, people come to for advice and well love isn't rational what so ever hahah. The fear of being burnt obviously weighs heavily on my mind as well but I know that this is inevitable when it comes to relationships in any form. I think also when it comes to my friend, I think we both are holding onto one another because we have both had that moment of omg where have you been all my life after such a short period of time and I don't want to lose him

Have I had sexual thoughts about him? I have if I'm honest but I think that has derived from such a strong bond we have. The emotional side is so weird though, because if he got with someone else I would still be happy because I would still have him in some form, which is odd because he would be closer with someone else than me????

I mean i haven't actually crushed on anyone at college like this, he is my first. Like i said we just clicked haha. In terms of more evidence on his part he gets very jealous as well, when his housemate (who is a guy) said I'm getting married to him etc etc (as a jk) he got very defensive. Okay my friend was drunk hence why his reaction was probably exaggerated haha. Also when I mention doing things with other friends (when he is sober) he kinda goes quiet and zones out, especially when people come up to me and talk to me. He isn't really that feely with other guys i have seen him with but tbh i haven't met all his friends. Like i said about two weeks into us being friends and he blew me off on my bday, i called him out on being a shit friend and what not. He later then said that arguing with me then was as painful as arguing with his ex who he had been with for years. I also told him when i was coming home i wanted a break from people and i might not be responsive until we go back to college and he had said that would of killed him and he would of got me to talk to him before January.

I would say as well we found out we are going on the same field course as well this year and he was like I'm so happy you will be with me. He is also going to Europe for a bit with his course and he really wants me to go with him earlier??? He also said he can't imagine not talking to me everyday ahah. it just confuses me because I'm like we are this close and he probably can't even remember my mum's name (hence why I'm like how close are we gonna be once the year goes on and we actually know each other).

Thanks man, wishing you too a Happy New Year for you and your loved ones

 

Just seen your post, thanks for the advice warmembrace

If i'm honest I think the reason why this situation has me so stumped is because I haven't had a crush in 5 years. I've probably only had 6 my entire life and i'm in my twenties, so it's bit overwhelming for me. I don't know why but I feel something could be there with time?? I dunno it's odd. I just hate the whole him having booty calls and stuff, even though I have no right to say anything.

I think I honestly might have to be a tad harsh and go a week without responding to him. I tried doing it after advice was given to me on here but I felt bad for not saying at the very least happy new years. Tonight I was a bit bad and did stir the pot a little by saying how I had plans to drop out of college and travel, just to see his reaction and give me a better feeling on where we are at. He was kinda mortified and kept on saying don't leave me etc and I said I would tell him what I was doing in the first couple of weeks in Jan. He didn't respond to that message and has been offline for a couple of hours now

I felt really bad for doing this but I feel like I needed some clarity. I think i'm very emotionally immature when it comes to relationships and I just feel like every person I like just doesn't reciprocate my feelings. I'm not gonna moan too much, I have many positives in my life, it's just such an annoyance trying to figure out if A) he actually could like a guy B) am I the exception and does he like me C) has not seem interested because I haven't given him much to feed off of???? Sorry again haha