How do I get over my first heartbreak?

I'm 17 and a senior in high school. I've been liking this girl at school since beginning of junior year. Even though we never dated I thought I was in love. She was the first person to ever give me butterflies. When it was lunchtime I could barely eat without feeling sick because she was sitting at a table across from me. I seriously thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world. I wrote her love letters(that I never gave to her) would've had her back in any situation. Here's the story though. I'll try to make it not as long.

I had her for two classes the beginning of the first semester; precalculus and computer science. Precal was where I got interested in her. Like the very first few weeks I was interested in her because she was one of those people who you wondered like hell what they were thinking when they were silent because they had an interesting way of presenting themselves when they did speak. I didn't develop a crush on her until this one time me, her and our mutual friends were walking from the restroom and they called me back to talk to me. She was right next to me And they were next to her. We had never spoken before but when I talked she gave me this look as if all of the answers to existence were locked in the center of my eyes. I fell in love with the way she looked at me. From that point on, there was no stopping this crush. Sad thing is, every time I wanted to talk to her I'd get nervous as hell and look at the floor. We went the whole first semester without talking.

I found her Twitter over winter break through mutual friends. Through that, I found her snapchat. I made an anonymous snapchat because I was not even close to being out of the closet at the time. I wasn't out to anyone. I told her hi and she asked who I was and I told her I couldn't tell her because of circumstances(circumstances being I was in the closet which I didn't tell her). We talked a little while but she eventually blocked me because I didn't tell her who I was.

I then find her ask.fm account. It was the perfect scenario because I was supposed to be anonymous. Anyways we converse back and forth on there and we actually click. She really wants to know who I am and I tell her eventually. I give her clues on who I am and she guesses who I am. I didn't think she noticed me so I was overjoyed when she knew my name and everything.

We text each other after exchanging numbers. To cut this part of the story short she was conscientious about who she let in because she had been hurt in the past so our friendship was rocky. We eventually stop talking for months because I couldn't take the inconsistency anymore. I hated those months. I still adored her during those months. Towards the end of the school year we start talking again. She gains my trust back. I remember walking with her one time and holding the door open door her so she could go in first. It felt so right.i had never held the door open door a girl before. I think she may have known I liked her during this time but I was too scared to tell her in person which is what I REALLY MORE THAN ANYTHING wanted to do.

Anyways I don't tell her I like her until the summer after my junior year/her sophomore year. She said she kinda knew already and was cool about it. I was scared as hell to tell her because I thought she would hate me. She didn't express any feelings towards me though.

Months later, my senior year starts and I see her the very first day of school and it was like I had never told her I liked her. It was amazing to see her. We fell off again though because of my own insecurities. She was giving way more attention to her friends than me. We became friends again. I always wanted more from her than she could give me. Long story short, she ended up getting into a relationship with a dude. She's not straight. She's kinda bi. Not that that matters but that's just some insight. It broke my heart because I feel like I would've treated her like an absolute queen and would've given her the world if I could. I'm pretty sure the guy she's with can't say the same. I still have love letters I wrote to her and never gave her. I really really liked this girl and wanted to give her the treatment she deserved but it just didn't turn out that way. She was the first girl who gave me butterflies, looked at me as if what I was saying meant the world, and who had an infatuation with Paramore and The 1975. It hurts my heart to see her with someone else. Gosh, she's so beautiful. I should've been better.

 

That made me feel a lot better. Did you ever find someone who made you feel like you were living a dream?