I am in a terrible mood today. Dysphoria mixed with the fact I have to go to school with the girl who broke my heart, and sit next to her like everything is fine. Nobody understands how I feel, my parents don't care. I'm being eaten alive, from the inside, and it hurts it hurts It hurts and I want to make myself smaller and smaller and smaller until I don't exist anymore.
Well, I'll be brutally honest I'm not trans or anything of the such and I don't know how incredibly difficult that all must be. I can't even imagine the hell I'd have to go through to tell people I was born the wrong gender and than start actually transitioning into my correct 1. And I've never had my heart broken. But I have definitely had that awful feeling of simply not wanting to have to be me anymore. I know it sucks and it's a terribly hard feeling to get over. But just remember, you were strong enough to realize your true identity in a world that doesn't fully accept it, you were strong enough to come out and you were also strong to grow close enough to someone for them to be able to break your heart. It's actually extremely easy as someone who has had issues with simply being who they truly are to hide your inner feelings and not allow anybody to get close to you. The fact you've been through so much and still have it in you to be an open loving person is truly amazing. Because you've done all that, I know you're more than strong enough to defeat this rough feelings. And I'm totally willing to talk to you about anything if you want to! And so are a lot of other users. Please just remember you are strong and you are not alone.
Thank you... Just-- thank you. your words help me. I can get over this, I just have to puch through it.
Hello my lovely Crossy, First of all, HUGSSSS Second of all, I've been fighting depression for a long long time. Alot of the time i kick it's ass black and blue. Other times, I face-plant the wife's boobies and just dont move for a while until the blackness subsides. Stuff that helps me? Hugs. Talking (if your parents wont listen, use us). Writing it down (this gets it out my head and onto paper where i can separate it into order, instead of all the feels battling in my head). Ground yourself (use the senses - sight, sound, touch, taste. This takes me out of my head and gets me thinking about the blue sky, the chips someone is eating on the train, my chocolate milk nomnomnom, the birds, the wee kitty sitting on my lap. Paying attention to nice things around me, instead of ME and all the thoughts). Get more hugs. Breatheeeee. Dunno if this will help any, but know you are awesome and loved!!
Thank you Lynz! No, you helped a lot. I can't talk to my parents, I haven't come out as trans yet, but I want too. I'm just scared of their reaction... Thanks for the tips, I'll use them. a strong man liek myself can't be strong all the time.
I hear ya. Keep concentrating on loving yourself then share with your parents when you are ready. We are here for all of it.
Trust me, I understand more than you could imagine. It sucks but I just have to remind myself that I will find someone who will fall insanely in love with me some day and it will make this heartbreak seem tiny compared to the love I will have for that future someone some day. I guess what I'm saying is even if it's just a tiny bit, keep at least some hope hope alive and eventually you'll look up and find someone who'll fall head over heals for you and you may even want to marry them some day. You'll smile and kick back as they plan their entire childhood wedding dreams because you want them to have everything they ever dreamed of plus more. I don't know if this helps but it's just my take on it. Also, if the depression gets any worse you should consider seeing a therapist. Good therapists know how to stear your head in the right direction.
