I've bottled up so many of my feelings, so I'm just getting it all out here... I turn 25 in March and I have no idea where I'm headed in life. I live with 2 of my aunts, have no job, no car, but I'm in college, just taking 2 online classes. I've struggled with depression for the last several years and started getting help around 2 years ago. I've taken various anti-depressants at different times, and they all just made me feel numb and lazy, withdrawn, etc. I've also lost my sex drive. :dry: I'm also seeing a therapist, but I haven't come out to her. I don't know if I'm ready because I don't know what her reaction will be. She's a Mormon, but she's never brought up religion in our sessions or expressed her personal beliefs. So I don't really know how to say that to her. Maybe I'm just overthinking everything... I did come out to my family 6 years ago, but we haven't really discussed it much since then and I haven't gone out dating or get involved in LGBT clubs/activities. My mom seems to have come around, but I honestly don't know where the rest of my family stands on this issue. Lately, I've been really struggling to remain optimistic about my future. I feel lost and afraid that things will never change for the better. I don't know what I want to do career-wise and don't have much of a social life, so I don't have a shoulder to cry on or a healthy way of venting out my feelings. I know things can change so much in just a year alone, but I've been so miserable for the last 6 years that it feels like it will never get better. I've been crying alot and started to have suicidal thoughts as well. It seemed like I used to get through this on my own, but it feels like I'm starting to crack :icon_redf I feel like such a failure that I can't even figure out where to go from here. My brain feels like its just shut down and I don't really have any good ideas about how to get out of this. I feel trapped in a time where I want to leave and just go somewhere else...I don't know where. I couldn't take it anymore crying alone, so I just knew I had to pour out my feelings here to you guys. I could really use some good advice on how to get out of this situation. :help: Thanks.
It definitely sounds like you're at a low point in your life. We all go through that and that's okay. Some people take more time than others, it doesn't mean that it's the end. A lot of people have gotten their starts in different ways. You're still in college, and it's a good thing, it's part of the journey of developing into the person you want to be. Focusing on your studies might help in your choices of careers, maybe finding what you like studying the most or researching might give you an idea of what you want. It's not a bad idea to start over, and take one step at at a time. Maybe developing a hobby and seeking people who share in them could help out a lot. There might be a reason why your therapist doesn't bring up religion, maybe it can be a personal preference, but if you feel that you can't be complete open with her or don't feel too comfortable, you can always seek out a new one. Finding the right therapist can make a difference in guiding your mental health. The LGBT center might have some resources for that. Some anti-depressants are known to lower your libido, so you're better off talking to your doctor about it and ask what might be causing it (don't be shy!). Ask yourself on how you can improve. Don't ever feel like you're not worth something because you are. Sometimes the sign of the struggling times, are also the signs of the greater goods to come. Keep fighting through it and you'll definitely come out better then you were before.
I think one of my main problems stems from the fact that I haven't quite completely accepted myself. I still feel like I wouldn't be able to be completely out, or comfortable in my own skin, with my family...or maybe I'm just overthinking...:bang: I don't know why I'm like this. I hate the fact that I'm too nervous/scared/shy to act on my feelings (at least for right now). I've always been that way about everything. And on top of that, I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do as far as a career. But my mind just goes blank. It's soo frustrating that I'm so indecisive about everything. I guess it's just a symptom of depression. Anyway, thanks for the advice Bolt35. You brought up some good points. I really appreciate it. :icon_bigg
